December | 2020 | when no one's looking

Last week, everyone on social media was talking about what achievements they had during 2020, and I get they were being positive about a pretty terrible year, but when you feel like your life has gone backwards, it’s difficult to see all those achievements listed. But sometimes surviving is the biggest achievement of all. Also, I know I wasn’t such a downer the entire year.

Honestly, 2020 has flown by, despite March seeming like a year on its own. So let’s look back at January’s goals for this very interesting year…

Get Fit: I’ve actually made a little progress on this. Nothing to brag about, but I didn’t continue the backslide that I’d been doing, so there’s that! Admittedly, working full-time at a job that is very strict about when you take breaks has helped with the mindless eating, although I don’t feel like it balances out all the negatives.
Watch Less TV: There were good and bad weeks of this and it really depended on my mood, but it was a pandemic, so we’ll give this one a slide.
Monthly goals: I didn’t really follow through with setting these, possibly because months were such an odd concept for the spring and summer.
Write 120,000 words this year (that’s 10K a month): Success! I’m actually about 9K over that goal, and most of it was during the beginning of the pandemic, when I was half-unemployed and had the free time and emotional health to write. (Once I started the draining day job, with a part-time job, my writing plummeted. I’m glad I finished the project I was working on before starting this job.) That said, it’s been very depressing the last three months how little writing has gotten done.
Submit The Miracle Man: Success! I’m still waiting to hear back (at this point I’m expecting a reject, but with feedback) but I did my part of it.
I also submitted a short story to an anthology call, which I’m also waiting to hear back from (though that’s only been a month). The fact I haven’t already gotten a rejection gives me hope that they liked the story but don’t know if it’s a good fit (or they haven’t read it yet, the lil devil says), and I get that my angle was maybe not what they were going for, but it was very therapeutic to write, so I’ll understand if it doesn’t get selected and still be happy to have written it.

Keep an eye out for later this week, when I’ll write about my goals for 2021!

This year has been an especially difficult time, and I don’t think I need to tell you that. My full-time job became part-time when Covid hit and I had to begin job searching in earnest at the hardest possible time. Living alone, I’ve been mostly isolated, with small pockets of in-person times when it seemed safe, but on this the darkest day of the year, I want to take the time to remember what brought light over the course of the year.

Discord and my friends – without them I’d feel truly isolated, and even if I sometimes feel cut off because they’ve focused on interests that don’t align with mine during the pandemic, they still offer glimmers of joy that keep the day-to-day from being miserable.
A steady paycheck – I was lucky enough to get a new job in September. It’s not in my field, I don’t particularly like the work, or the increased stress that came with taking a full-time job on top of everything else happening, but it gives me a regular paycheck, and with the state of things, I know how lucky I am.
My family – while my family isn’t as close (or big) as some, we’re used to seeing each other regularly at birthdays and holidays, so this year has been tough. Over the summer we were lucky enough to be able to meet outside for gatherings, but now that we’re indoors, that can’t happen. I feel lucky that my family hasn’t made a big stink about not getting together for Christmas, even though they would really love to be together. I’m also lucky that as the only child without spouse and kids, I have my parents to keep me from being absolutely alone on Christmas.
I’m also thankful for Great British Bake Off, which I watched a lot of to deal with my anxiety. So much so that I actually kind of burned myself out on it 😀 Not to mention my friends and I didn’t group watches of the newest season and it was nice to watch something with people again, even if we couldn’t all do it from the same couch. It was easier to share related gifs this way anyhow….

If you’re like me, the long nights are hard, so I hope on this longest night, you too remember the things that bring light to your days and that they carry you through and guide you forward.