Looking to the future…and the past

Every time I’ve been asked, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I just stare at the asker, sort of stumped. It’s not that I’m a forward thinker, but I’m content with where I am. With what I’m doing. Thinking so far ahead makes me feel like I’m unhappy with where I am, which in turn normally makes me unhappy. I have long-term goals, but nothing concrete. They’ll come when I am ready for them to come.

Well, I’m ready, I guess 🙂

I have a two-year plan that by the time I’m 30 I’ll have at least one book published (not self published). Maybe not a big deal since I already have some books done, but then I read blogs from authors and I figure giving some flex might be nice. It’s going along with the overall plan of writing more.


This weekend was an anime convention, which was fun, but had been sucking up all my time getting a costume ready for it. Today I rested, finished reading The Cat in the Cradle by Jay Bell, and slept a lot, plus worked hard to get stuff done around my apartment that had been pushed to the back burner. Breathing was nice.

I look forward to returning to the writing regime now that cosplay stuff is done. It also got me thinking about convention stuff and putting my money into it and everything. I don’t think I can actually stop going, because it’d be kind of antisocial of me, but I’m rethinking cosplay. It’s costly, stresses me out, and distracts me from other things I could be doing. Like writing.

It’s just hard, because I can talk to my friends about cosplay progression, but often talking about writing, when it happens, doesn’t provoke much discussion. While my friends support me, they aren’t really interested in it. Sometimes I feel my group of friends (myself included) are very self-focused people. We talk and have fun, but we never really listen to what the others are saying. It’s not bad and rude or anything, but sometimes it’s tiring. And it’s hard having different interests than them sometimes. I’m not a big talker to begin with. Thankfully my brother is a surprisingly awesome listener!

Have I mentioned that I have a tumblr account that posts creative jumping off points?

We are all kings here.

I’ve just returned from my vacation (a mini-vacation, really) and exhausted…well I arrived last night. After a night’s rest (and an afternoon nap) and being protected by my guard dog (who is only more than a yard from me when I put up barriers), I feel a little bit more human.

Now that my vacation is over, I’ll have more time to work on those things that were pushed to the side in favor of sewing/crafting. Of course, we are already beginning to look into next year’s projects, but we have time (and time to change our minds). I just want to return to the groove of my life, but that cannot begin until I’m no longer under the protection of my guard dog. Ah well.

For a period of time early this year, I’d been writing alot of short stories, which was freeing, but also damning. I felt nothing much would come of them, except to share them with the internet (which…err…I’ll get to!) so I decided to cut back and instead focus on my longer works. I’m not sure it worked to my favor, but I also had other obligations arise (see vacation notes), so I suppose I still have to give it a chance. I also decided to participate in Shousetsu Bang*Bang’s next issue…so I actually have to write something for a deadline now. Which will hopefully kick start my sudden dry spell.

For now…adieu.


My head is extremely scattered right now, so that I am having trouble focusing on what needs to get done and what I want to get done. Sometimes it feels rather futile, because no matter how much I get done there is always more that needs to be done.

My laptop is being difficult. I don’t know if it’s Ubuntu or the laptop, but it freezes (seemingly randomly). This weekend it froze every ten minutes, if that. I had to do a hard reboot (I think that’s the word for it). I’m trying to find solutions online, but I swear they are speaking a different language. Ever since the fiasco in Anaheim, my laptop has been a little wonky. Thankfully there is very little saved on it that is vital to my writing. I think I’ll back up everything I currently have, just in case.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading recently and a little writing. I feel like I should read higher quality books in order to improve my writing, but there are few high-quality books in the genre I’m currently devouring. And I want to read books I enjoy, it’s my time afterall, but I also worry that the stories I read influence the books I write which aren’t really mainstream (not that I’m writing for fame, but it’d be nice).

In order to spread my wings a bit, I’m going to start submitting to Bang*Bang, maybe, you know, if I don’t chicken out. Maybe it’ll encourage me to submit to real magazines, and real publishers. Once I have a completed piece.

Also, I was supposed to sew a suit jacket tonight and instead read half of Whistling in the Dark. Is anyone really surprised by this? Go ahead Soba, yell at me, I know I deserve it.

In which we grow up…

I had a moment of contemplation today.

While leaning back from an art project I’m working on, I sat on the couch, looking out the window at the afternoon sun and thought, “I’ve grown up.”

I have my own place, I have a job, I have my friends and hobbies and I take care of my own expenses. I am, by most definitions, a grown up. I have been for several years now. It made me laugh. Or at least a good chuckle as I sat there in my tank top and shorts working on a project that could be considered juvenile. It made me extremely happy that while I’ve grown up, I haven’t gotten old.

I then proceeded to need a tool for said crafting and realized I received a flier from the necessary store recently. 50% off, today only. That always makes for a charming evening trip.

Good evening.

This side of morning

Hmmm, I’ll be brief: Otakon was a blast!

I didn’t take too many pictures, but my friends did, so I have pictures, but nothing like the first year I went ^.^ Anyways, it was a really good time and it sucks to be back at work. Any stress that left while on vacation has returned sixfold with the backlog of work. And an editor who doesn’t really realize all that I do.

I didn’t do alot of writing while at the convention, but I did a fair amount the day I got back, and the day after (which I took off for recooperating purposes). It was mostly just an exercise type thing, but I kind of like the world I created, so I may return to it. It’s also something I don’t feel comfortable sharing with people I see face-to-face yet, so it’s hidden on my other dA account. Feel free to try and find it 🙂 My writing style may give it away. I’ll even give a hint: I’m an angel 😉

And one picture, because it’s the main character from my thesis and he pulled it off well with Smiley-Face Blades and all:
The picture came out dark, so I tried to sharpen it and blur the background to keep people from being in the pic who maybe didn’t want to be. The closest group of people are my friends waiting for me to get done humping on this guy.

Maybe a real update later….*giggle*

Haven’t seen rain in forever…

Today’s dawn rose almost grayish-white, only to become a dark and foreboding gray as the hour passed. So dark that the lights on the street flickered back on to offer some guidance in the misery. It’s not really matching my mood, but it’s matching something…

Yesterday I was cosplay productive, which excited me greatly since my time spent on that has been (err) nonexistent. I downloaded a book on tape from my library and played it while working, which made the work factor more enjoyable, although I do enjoy the work (just not the time spent doing it, if that makes any sense). I now have pants and a jacket. I just need an eyepatch and straps. I can do it!

It’s begun pouring now. This seems like a passing spring storm type rain, but if thursday and friday taught me anything, it’s that the rain can keep falling like that for a while. Unlike those days, today we have the rumble of thunder. Who knows how long it will last.

And now lightning.

BTW, the book on tape I’m listening to is Wicked Lovely and rather enjoyable (it’s young adult fantasy). I find it amusing, since I was always an avid, fast reader, that I’ve become such an advocate for audio books (a more appropriate term). I think this is helped by the fact that I can DL books from my library without having to actually go there. The downside is that some (most) of the books seem to be WMA and cannot be converted to go on my ipod. Which makes me sad.

Gloves: Bane of my Existence


I’ve made several pairs of gloves, and yet I still make stupid mistakes. I have the benefit of stretchy material this time, so of course I put the stretch the wrong direction. -headdesk- ETA: The next one I made then was too big because I over compensated. I now have 3 almost finished gloves that don’t quite work how I want them to. Least I’m learning.

I took a half day today, because it was lovely out, I hadn’t slept well the past few days (damn heat) and I’d been wanting to for a while. Slept. Went riding. Crafting. Good times all around.

Still can’t believe I didn’t realize I put the stretch the wrong direction until I went to put my hand in the finished product. I should be able to mod. it and make it useable. Not that gloves are the hardest thing to make. But these have half fingers, so it’s slightly more annoying.

To not make this a total waste: People who like learning new things and hearing other’s ideas should go here. People who like the weather should go here. You can check out my arty side here. And if you’re bored and like puzzles, check out this.

And finally:

In amends of fatitude

This post is in reply to the outcry I heard from my comment (two entries ago) about me being a fatass.

I understand I am not actually a fatass. Sometimes I just feel like a fatass because of circumstances. I’ve been eating rather terribly lately and it’s done nothing to console me. Also, I think the workout DVDs I’ve been doing have been building more leg mass than I’d like.

In order to cut down on my leg strengthening skills, I’m changing my routine. First, I plan on making my own workout, based on that which I’ve learned from the DVDs. Second, I plan on incorporating alot more cardio into my routine, which is easier with nice weather, because running is excellent cardio. In fact, today after getting back from the barn I went running.

So the plan is to run on nice days and do my routine on rainy days (like tomorrow promises to be). I’m going to try cutting back on the gorging, but we know how that goes.

So just to quiet any worries people had: I am not anorexic and think I’m fat and OMG I need to get thin. I merely realize I’m not in peak physical condition, and I’d really like to be.

(On a side note, for Soba: It probably doesn’t help that I’m cosplaying two really young boys this year. But I’m coming to terms with that. Sorta :))

Of Dice and Men

If anyone were to ask me (and they won’t, but if they did) what I spent my Saturday night doing, I can honestly say “I was gluing dice together.”

Let’s start…well not from the beginning, but at least the start of today. Riding (of course), then a horse clinic (no surprise there). Then home, showered, fed. Out shopping (here’s where it gets interesting) for cosplay stuff. I was successful, and that success enticed me to get working on one of my cosplays’ props…a dice city. It’s something I’m enjoying (which should probably terrify you a bit), and I may add onto it after Otakon. But we’ll see.

Otherwise, I think I’ve purchased most of the items I need for my characters, missing only a shirt, things I need to order online, and some metal bits. But I’m feeling the mood a bit more (this Friday helped alot. It just felt…more right?)

Side note: Having gone to bed around 1 AM and woken up at 6:45 and been up and busy all day, I can feel myself crashing. Hopefully I can hold out until 10 and I will sleep well tonight (although most likely wake up stiffer than a log).