To everyone: I’m working on it.

I have a horse show tomorrow, that I’m not riding in, but I get to wake up really early for. like 5:45. Ugh. Weekends are for sleeping!

Nothing new has really happened recently. Riding horses, reading, writing, having friends, watching anime, and working.

Ambitions are really something. My current ambition, which I constantly stumble over and try to reaffirm, is to find more balance in my life. This is a two parter, one of which involves being less reliant on items. That doesn’t mean I won’t use my computer (etc), but that I should stop buying all those things that I don’t need (like all those little figurines sitting on my shelf). The second half is to work on meditation. To relax, focus, realign.

But these are both difficult things for me to accomplish because I (1) never set aside time for meditation and (2) like buying things. If I were to represent a deadly sin, I’d be envy. I don’t think I am “keeping up with the Joneses” as much as other people, but seeing people have things makes me want them, not for “OMG look at me” purposes, but because those things look fun. I see people playing the Wii and I think “Maybe I should get one” before I remind myself that I don’t set aside time to play my GameCube. But still, I’m a consumer and it’s a very hard habit to break. Any tips are appreciated.

I may need to ease into the meditating with crocheting, because crocheting has an end result, and it makes it feel more productive. I hate feeling unproductive. I hate waiting. I hate losing minutes. I wish I could take all those lost minutes of waiting and bunch them together to do something with. On the other hand, if I take those minutes and use them to meditate, I guess I’d be putting them to use.

As you may have realized from my frantic typing, I’m a little…high strung recently. I don’t know why. I feel restless and unhappy and unfocused and explodey. Like one long sugar high. So those things I’ve been meaning to get done aren’t getting done. I apologize to anyone on the receiving end of that.

I just made a scarf:

(I’m fond of it, even though it’s bright orange. Like the MASH shirt?)

Finally, to my eldest sibling, I’ve been meaning to call you. So hopefully I’ll actually do it sometime soon.

2 thoughts on “To everyone: I’m working on it.

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