A Rough Week

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

I vowed to myself not to mope and whine on the internet as much, but this week has made it tough. Mostly I’ve avoided the internet, because sometimes you just get hit.

Thursday night I got a bunch of feedback returned from my beta readers. Awesome, a few days early!

And then I opened it. The one wasn’t bad. She enjoyed the story, had suggestions for cultural things (which is why I wanted her to read it) and a few pointers. Not bad.

The two other readers “ran out of time” to finish the story. I realize that people have lives (I recently bailed on a beta, though I hadn’t even started). But when the two people tear into your story the most ‘ran out of time’, it feels very much like the dreaded DNF mark. But OK, that’s part of being a writer. After reading their notes, though, one of which pretty much said it needed a complete re-write, I felt…blasted. The deadline for the call I’m trying to hit is at the end of March. I’ve done edits after edits to this piece (growing it from 8.5K to 12K). And I just…wasn’t sure I had the energy to do everything they wanted.

Like, maybe this is a story that’s never meant to see the light of day. I tried something new, and it didn’t work. That happens. Maybe it’s time to let it die and move on. Or set it aside for long enough to really do a complete re-write.

I’m not sure I’ve come to a decision yet.

Heavy edits never make you feel great, and of course this tossed me into the “I am a shit writer who will amount to nothing” mood. But I watched the last five episodes of Tokyo Ghoul season 1 and coped.

Friday morning I got a text from one of my old coworkers, telling me to call her when I had a minute. I thought it was weird, but didn’t think much of it. And then I called. She wanted me to know that my old boss, who was in his fifties with a kid in college, had passed away the day before.

This man was nice, and funny, and just generally a great mentor. He and I were in the same writing group (which I joined when I left the company). He’d just had a birthday. It’s so unexpected and strange that I’m still just shocked. Our editorial team was tiny and a tight group, even as we went our different ways.

And then this morning, life has to go on. Which I know is cliche. And it’s not like my boss was a relative, but I did spend five days a week, eight hours a day, for eight years with him. So it’s weird and my joints feel out of place. And I keep thinking of his kids and his siblings and my heart goes out to them.

And yet life goes on. I have edits to do, and writing to do, and a birthday party I really don’t want to do.

And life goes on.

You are what you eat…

/ Alex Whitehall / 2 Comments

After vaguely making a connection between eating poorly (especially high-sodium foods, aka eating out) and my depression/anxiety at the beginning of the year…I’ve realized again that maybe I should eat more balanced, healthful meals. And try to start exercising again. Not that I’m eating too poorly this week (weekends are my bane), but I could use a little exercise. And maybe ease myself into instead of three days of hard-core exercise and then flop on my back bemoaning the world and getting old.

If you want to be health buddies (and you’re not my brother–because it’s just sinful that my older brother is in better shape than I am), let me know!

And you might be wondering why I’m bringing this up on my writer’s blog.

1. It’s my blog and I’ll whine if I want to. (I won’t break into song here, but I’m now humming that and I have no one to blame but myself.)

2. If poor eating triggers my depression, and my depression usually leads to me not writing…then obviously I want to not be depressed!

3. Even if poor eating doesn’t trigger my depression, eating healthy isn’t going to hurt and trigger my depression (most likely). I mean, it’s not like I’m going to stop eating out. Just maybe not four days in a row.

4. I was having a really good time with my writing and editing and in a good mood and then ate out four days in a row and today I am verbally constipated. I realize it could be coincidence, but, again, it doesn’t hurt to try.

Hopefully my post next week will be more on topic and less whiny! (And…not three days late?)

Massages, peppermint fudge, and 1k

/ Alex Whitehall / 2 Comments

Despite the fact that it’s winter and I should have plenty of time to be getting things done, February has been raucous. Fighting depression, plus my usual busy-ness and my old back injury acting up, has kept me very occupied.

This morning, however, I wrote another 1k for my shifter story, so that felt good. And I got in contact with a potential beta reader (…and then later realized I haven’t put the final touches on the one sex scene, but THAT’S beside the point).

What I love about this story is that because it was born and killed so many times, I actually plotted everything out. And so while sometimes the blahs keep me from writing, when I do sit down to write, I at least know where I’m going. And so far things have been doing okay like that. They don’t always unfold quite the way I planned, but I’m not off-track (yet).

I spent the rest of the day getting a massage (because my old back injury was waking me up in the middle of the night in pain, boo-hiss) and making peppermint fudge.

Because my friends and I have started having themed gatherings. We don’t see each other often (we’re a motley crew and don’t live terrible close for frequent visiting and are all in very different parts of our lives). The first party started as a pumpkin spice party, because someone kept posting delicious pumpkin spice recipes and we ALL wanted the food. So we decided to each make something, get together, and gorge!…I mean hang out!

It was a blast, and so we made plans to do it again, and this time the theme was peppermint (which most people aren’t doing because there aren’t a ton of peppermint recipes and 99.9% are super sweet desserts). But I made peppermint fudge. My first attempt at fudge, and it’s not half bad. But it’s chocolate, so I think I’d have to work super hard to screw it up!

After my massage, I swung by the barn to visit my riding instructor/the horses (and to drop off some fudge). My instructor wasn’t there, so I just hung out with my main man, Hoover.

I love this pony so much. He did nothing but tear at the grass like a starving man and beg for treats…but he’s a horse, so I sort of expect that from him. I also suspect the kid who’s riding him his spoiling him. A little.

I grazed him and groomed him (and didn’t give him a treat, the little bugger…but mostly because I didn’t have any, because I’ll admit I spoil him a little bit myself). It was a gorgeous day (in the fifties!) and it was fantastic to get out of the house and down to the barn. Hopefully the weather keeps being this gorgeous (or at least NICE) and I can start wiggling in some pony time. Um, once the ring unfreezes and dries. Or else my pony is going to need ice skates/galoshes, depending.

Well, it’s time to head to my peppermint party. Hope you enjoy your evening!

Oh! I’m going to be doing a blog tour when Second Skin comes out, so if you have topics you want me to talk about, or questions you want me to answer, feel free to drop them in below.

AND the cover for Second Skin is revealed now. Go drool over it!

Book release announcement!

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

I’m so excited to announce that Second Skin is now available to pre-order on Riptide’s page! There you can find the blurb and a teaser cover.

Here’s you go!

When Jay heads to the university’s learning center for help with his math class, he doesn’t expect his tutor to be tall, dark, and handsome. But Roswell is all that and more, and their instant connection over cult movies, books, and TV shows quickly evolves into dating.
That’s when things get tricky.
Roswell might claim he doesn’t have issues with Jay being trans, but when he’s constantly insisting they “take it slow,” Jay’s not so sure. He’s been hurt before, and he’s not going to let it happen again.
But then Roswell reveals that he, too, has a few secrets under his skin.

1/12 of the year is done…

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

I spent the last week of January pet sitting, which involved caring for a geriatric dog and a horse, and I’d like to blame that for why my productivity slipped, but it’s more likely because I had access to TV. And fast internet.

So much TV. I watched all of Jessica Jones, all of Gangsta., and few episodes of Sekku Boys, which is just for fun because Japanese idols that are actually sculptures is kind of amusing. It seems.

I still got just under 10k written for January, a rough set of edits done for HtPD, and a book read. So pretty productive. Except for that whole “take care of health” goal.

Coming home after a week away is always a wonderful thing, because I get to sleep in my own bed, where I sleep better, and my responsibilities are half of what they are at the pet-sitting gigs. The horse is about an hour each day, which isn’t much, but is still an hour. And then this little thing.

She doesn’t look like much, but she can be a needy thing  🙂

Anyway, I got home and depression hit me hard, and then my muscles all tightened and made my head/vision wonky. Which really knocked out any productivity. I think I may have been pushing myself a bit too hard and putting a bit too much pressure on myself. So I’m trying to take a break this weekend (at least a little). If things get done, they get done. But otherwise I need to breathe and not freak myself out.

I KNOW I just did a post about “slow and steady” but I’m really bad at listening to myself. 🙂

Slow and Steady Wins the Race?

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

I think one of the most dangerous parts of social media is how it lets competitive people (say…me) see how quickly other authors work. While just generally seeing books come out is a big indicator, seeing updates on the feed can give a sense of “I’m writing a lot, awesome!” or “How do these people do it, have they no lives? Am I a failure?”

I know I’m not the fastest writer, and a lot of my writer friends write full-time or may not have the same obligations I do (although I’m sure they have plenty of others). And yes, I’m sure for some of them, writing might come more easily. But that doesn’t mean I don’t look at their word counts and my word counts, and think I’m an utter failure.

But I’m not! One of the hardest things about being in the publishing world (author, editor, or just SEEING it happen) is that as a writer, I feel like I need to be an author. As in, I can’t just write to write. I have to write to published. Which puts pressure on how many words I write and if the content is marketable and if the writing is good enough.

And that can really take away from why we write to begin with: because we enjoy it. Or at least that’s why I write. I write because I want to tell a story. And yes, I want to tell the story the best way I can. And yes, I’d love for other people to read this story. But instead of being competitive or disheartened because I only write 5K a month and other people write 5K a day, I need to just return to enjoying writing.

That’s not to say I don’t enjoy writing now. But I think I need to find the part of me that really enjoyed it (say, in college or six years ago) and see if I can find balance. Because I hope if I enjoy writing the story more, then people will enjoy reading the story more.

And if anyone has any suggestions, let me know!

My temporary workstation.

But for now I’m going to be happy that I do get to write as much as I do. Because if I push too hard, I think it’ll be a chore. And that’s now what writing should ever be to me (because I hate chores). So I may not put out a book a month or two books a year or even one book a year (though I’d like to put out at least one a year), but as long as we’re all having fun, that’s the important part, right?

The Art of the Short Story

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I just finished The Model Millionaire, an anthology of Oscar Wilde short stories (and named after the story with the same name). In the back, there was also a modern short story, “Tiger, Tiger” by Simon  Van Booy.

It’s interesting to look at Wilde’s short stories and compare them to “Tiger, Tiger” and some other modern stories that I’ve read recently (including those submitted in my writers’ group).

Wilde’s stories tended to be rather straightforward. They told a story chronologically, made a point, and moved on. While the stories didn’t lack subtlety (and I’m sure someone who has studied Wilde in depth would point out how much subtlety there is), I would finish reading a story, be able to quickly draw my conclusions, and move on. I’m certain if I go back and read it again, I’ll pull more from it, but I basically feel as if I “got the gist” in my first read.

However, the more modern stories I’ve read (which tend to be read as more “literary”, which may be why they come across like this), seem to be asking the reader to do all the work. Some are told chronologically, some skip all over the place, and they both tell stories, but the telling (both in the information that is provided and the information that is almost obviously not included) seems to beg the reader to understand and get the author’s point.

The stories feel like they’re nothing but subtleties. A little bit like if I don’t get the point (or take the time to get the point), the authors are going to peer down at me from their place on high and think me unworthy. I’m probably reading too much into it, but it’s not really the feeling I want when I finish reading something.

(Note: I still enjoyed reading some of the stories that gave me this feeling, and some just left me with an”Well, I see” feeling, but in retrospect I got the feeling that required deeper analysis. And while I enjoy analyzing works, I also don’t want it to be a requirement of my enjoyment.)

I’m not sure I could say whether I enjoyed Wilde’s stories or the more modern ones better, but it’s a curious comparison.

It’s also interesting to look at short stories and compare them to novels. In an anthology I started reading recently, the editor who compiled the stories noted that ‘people don’t read short stories any more, which is a shame because she’s read so many short stories that offered so much more than many of the books she’s read. ‘

After reading the first in that anthology, I got to thinking about the difference between stories and novels (aside from length) and the purpose behind them. Obviously the genre makes a difference (as a romance short story is going to be very different from a literary short story)…

But how many short stories do you find outside of literary ones? If you’re a reader of short stories, then you know which magazines to read, and you subscribe and you get those short stories–whether it’s literary or in your genre. Or you pick up “This Year’s Best Short Stories” and read that. But rarely–unless you have a group of friends who read short stories–is someone just going to recommend a short story to you. But someone will recommend a good book they’ve read.

(Money, spending, and purchasing all have to do with the decline of the short story as well, I’m sure, but I’m not focusing on that here.)

People don’t really read short stories, and I think part of this is because they aren’t just for enjoyment. And while books also may not just be for enjoyment, their agenda is wrapped in so much enjoyable story that the agenda doesn’t feel heavy to bear and compact to tear apart. Or perhaps it does, but you can enjoy the story without tearing apart and understanding all the agenda.

Meanwhile, after reading the various short stories that I’ve read, I don’t feel like I’ve been told stories so much, as I’ve been asked to ponder some things (some of which I might not really care about exploring). The brunt force of the short story’s purpose is the agenda, so the surface enjoyment is so much less that I can see why the short story has fallen out of favor with society as a whole. In a busy world like today, you would think that the short story would be in favor, but if the story is focused not on a compact telling of a story/scene/etc but rather a pondering about X topic…then it’s not really going to be seen as an enjoyable past-time.

(Note: I know this doesn’t apply to all short stories or all readers, but just in general.)

(Also, this post was going to be about short stories but a very different focus, and then I just kind of…went elsewhere with it. So apologies if it’s a little…untethered.)

How things go…

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

As I watch the counter on Scruples remain the same in the sidebar, I struggle to not feel frustrated at my lack of writing.

But yes, Scruples is on hiatus as I write the shifter story, which I’ve done about 2-4K on since the beginning of the year. However…

Mostly this month has been focused on heavy edits for HtPD, which eats up a lot of time as I rework sentences, add details, and sometimes add entire scenes. And when I’m in editing mode, I’m not as great at being in writing mode. Something I need to work on. Yet HtPD has gotten an additional 1,000 words and I’m only just over the halfway point. So while my other stories may have briefly stalled, I at least have been busy.

But my ultimate goal is to read a book for work, read a book for pleasure, edit a book for pleasure, and write a book, and keep all the characters separate and in my head, keep all the facts straight, and remember who belongs in what story.

No pressure, right?

Revising…again.

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

I hope you all survived the holidays. I’ve been having a very busy year (and yes, it’s only 10 days in)!

So in November I mentioned the short story I was writing for fun. Well, I sat on it a week, then returned to it…and felt a little conflicted. One, it was sorta similar to Second Skin. Two, the conflict felt…unfocused. Like, the conflict was definitely there, but I was avoiding actually showing it. Three, there was just something wrong.

I spoke to my friend about it, just giving her the general outline, and she agreed it sounded similar (in summary) to Second Skin, but that it obviously wasn’t in other ways. And then she offered some possible solutions, one of which was to make it more romantic comedy.

At which point I glared, because I don’t DO romantic comedy. My humor is not like other people’s and it’s just not something I’ve done a lot of. At least not on purpose. But we talked a little, and I tucked the ideas in my hat and thought on it.

One, I realized if I wanted this to feel very different from SS, I needed to change POV (AGAIN). Two, I needed to actually have the conflict on screen (which is, like, no duh). Three, I think the only way I’d survive this conflict is if I aimed to make it more rom-com. Give myself the leeway to not be aiming to rip people’s hearts out, but rather to make them smack their foreheads in frustration. I have NO IDEA how that’s going to go, but that’s the plan. I’m allowing myself to be a little goofy with descriptions, going more in depth in the sex (or the lead up), and just kind of playing with the scenes as I work them.

I have the plot written down in a notebook, so I don’t need to focus on how I’m getting to the next plot point. I’m already over 6K, so this is probably going to break out of the short story length (theory: I’ve lost the ability to write really short stories). I’m okay with that, since the deadline for the prompt has passed. But I’m also excited to see where this story goes.

Publishing Announcement

/ Alex Whitehall / 2 Comments

The past two months have been hectic, to the point that I realized on the 26th of December that my car was due for it’s state inspection by the end of the month. Yeah, that sort of month. But I won’t bore you (likely again) with all those whining details.

Instead, I have exciting news!

A while back, you may remember me working on a story (tentatively) called Second Skin (SS)? Well, it’s been accepted for publication! It actually had to get some developmental edits done before it got accepted, and I imagine it will go through a lot more edits in the future, but I’m really looking forward to getting feedback and hopefully learning!

I’m also thrilled that this story is going to see the light of day. It’s a novella that takes place in college. The MC, a trans guy, goes in for help in a math class and the tutor he meets is not at all what he expects. While the MC’s complications with being trans are important to the story, it’s much more about acceptance and understanding someone that’s different from you.

It’s supposed to be a sweet, cute, sorta thinky piece, but the drama may get upped more in edits. I look forward to telling you more as I hear it!