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Writing. Editing. Repeat.

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

I’m just going to ignore everything happening with that which rests above my shoulders at the moment.

I’ve been doing a fair amount of editing on old stuff, some which needs major fixes and some which needs (hopefully) minor changes and inserts. But this past week I’ve been working for Riptide and working on new stuff. Or sorta new stuff. Or something.

I finished edits on the Earth Day Piece and sent that in. If they don’t want it, I will probably post it on SmashWords or something for free.

My one shifter story was being completely uncooperative, and then I saw a picture and a friend and I exchanged a few words and I had a different shifter story that needed to be told. I wrote it up, and despite it being shorter than requirements, I sent it in for an anthology. I’m hoping they like it. My original shifter story is still in progress. The damn things either sit there silent or they talk up a storm. I swear.

And because I’m a masochist or something, I signed up for one of the prompts at MM Romance’s Love Has No Boundaries writing marathon. I wasn’t going to. But then this man came up and I just wanted to. Needed to. I hope I can do right by him.

And that’s what’s been going on in my corner of the world.

Writing: an update

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When I went to the neurologist at the end of January, I was told I shouldn’t return to work, so like a good little patient, I didn’t. It doesn’t mean I haven’t bee working on things, although all of that has been slow and laborious.

Writing: Just to keep in the habit and give myself faith that I was still capable, I start writing a little each day, with no real plan of a story. Then I got a plan, at least for the characters and their history. I’ve written and rewrote them several times and I’m still not satisfied that they have a story to tell. Maybe one day. I’m just not sure, which is frustrating, but bearable. So that is coming in starts and stops. After my daily nap, I started thinking about a different story that I had put on the back burner, and now I sort of want to return to. We’ll see.

Edits, round 1: I sent a novel (FIW) off to an author for a beta read, and she got back to me (quickly!). Now I have to grow the pair of balls to read all  her comments. Generally she seemed to enjoy it, so I think I’ll be able to handle the comments, but MUST GROW BALLS.

Edits, round 12: I decided to return to a story (BaW) that got shoved off the table due to my accident. The editor wants changes and I’m struggling with them, so I sent this story out to more readers to get feedback (and some people I can brainstorm off/with). These people aren’t going to have a 3 day turnaround time like the awesome author above, but hopefully they’ll help me figure out what I want to do with it.

Other than that, I’m trying to heal and mend, and rest. Daily naps seemed silly in the beginning, but as I push my brain and eyes to work harder, I let myself take naps to help them rest and hopefully heal.

I go back to the neurologist on March 14. I’m hoping that general time proves happier for me than for Caesar.

Resolutions and plans

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Life doesn’t go according to plans, but I’m the ultimate planner, so in time of unrest, I plan.

This year, due to the events at the end of 2012, I didn’t make any resolutions. So my plan isn’t to do any big ones for the whole year but, much like last year, do smaller goals for each month (which can be found on the sidebar).

My three current focuses, aside from some odd jobs here and there, are: to edit FIW and get it to my beta, if she still wants to read it; to write the shifter story I’m working on currently; and to post at least a review a week.

Unfortunately, at the time of my accident I had no reviews stored up, so I have to do a ton of reading to get reviews up! I have a large backlog and I’d like to have that diminished by half by the time I return to work. I waste a ton of time just refreshing Twitter, so hopefully I can cut that back and read instead!

Editing is actually nice, because it helps me get ready for work while not having the pressure of screwing up major if I miss something. It lets me stay fit, so to speak 🙂 I’m terrified the story is no good now, but I know sending it to a beta who can tell me what is wrong with it, etc, will be good for my writing overall. Tough as it is!

As for the writing… After my injury I wanted to keep writing but didn’t want to work on something I’d started or one of my “better” ideas, so I went hunting for an idea in submission calls. I started a few different things, but eventually began writing the shifter story (which is going to be way too long for an anthology submission, but that is beside the point). I don’t want to give away too much, but it’s shifters, a threesome with an established pair, and I have no idea where it’s going. I’m only 8,000 words in.

And that’s where I am now. Once again, for more updates/ramblings/posts, you can check out my tumblr.

Healing, or bitching, whichever

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On Thursday I go to the neurologist and get a CAT scan. And hopefully these staples out of my head. My competence will be decided and I’ll be told if I can return to driving and work. I was feeling fairly confident in both these things, at least the work thing, but last Thursday my father and I went on a longer drive and I felt rather dizzy from looking out the window. Now, it was a 20 minute drive at least, at the end of the day, in a manual transmission, in the dark. I think all these things worked together to make me more sensitive.

Oddly, my reaction to the drive didn’t really make me question my ability. Then Sunday (or Monday) night, when my parents and I were talking about the appointment, my father said he didn’t think the neurologist would pass me.

Aside from the hurt I felt at not having my father’s support, I was grumpy, because as much as I love my parents and am grateful for their help through this difficult time, I’m SO ready to be gone. I’m used to living alone and they have their lives, which no longer fits me. I have a bed, but my laptop is set up in the dining room. They pretty much have the TV on as soon as they get home, leaving me no place for quiet in the evenings aside from the room I’m staying in, which is pretty much just the bed I’m using.

I want to go home. To my home. My apartment. Where I can walk a mile and get pretty much everything I want. Currently I’m trapped in the house. There are no sidewalks so it’s unsafe for me to walk anywhere, and there isn’t really anywhere to walk. My outside exposure is walking to get the mail. Exercise requires getting in a car and driving 10 minutes to the gym so I can walk in circles on the track. I only have a set number of clothes with me and whether it’s rational or not, I feel like their house is constantly cold. Thus I feel cold.

Plus they have tons more food here that I munch on constantly.

I realize these are all minor complaints and even if I move home I need to work out things like how to get to PT and work (if I’m allowed back at work), especially if I can’t drive. There are benefits to staying with my parents, but it also feels debilitating. I know the body needs to heal and I can’t rush it just because I want to get back to my normal life, but patience is not my strong suit.

And I’m really tired of looking out the same windows.

Being Broken

/ Alex Whitehall / 2 Comments

As anyone who follows me on twitter or tumblr knows, on Dec 29 I was in a car accident. I don’t remember anything about it, but this is what I’ve been told:

I was driving home from my parents’ house and it was starting to snow. The roads were exceptionally slippery that afternoon, although we don’t really know why. I slid out of control, turned 360 and went into the opposing traffic, where a jeep ran into my trunk (or I ran into it, the details are unclear, I suppose). My trunk was pushed into my back seat and the rest of my car followed suit. Amazingly my only injury was some lower back pain and a serious concussion (and several brain bleeds). I was in the ICU for a week and then moved to a regular hospital room before being released into the care of my parents.

All of this is scary enough, but some of the scarier things, for me at least, happened once I was released home. I felt normal. Sure I was weak on my feet and got dizzy, but that seemed fine. Once I was home however, I realized that there were some other concussion ramifications aside from dizziness and memory loss.

For a while I couldn’t read anything because my eyes would focus on two different points in the word and I’d see double of it all. This was especially terrifying since I work as an editor as a living, a writer as a dream, and a reader as a mainstay of existence. So that had me panicking, plus I couldn’t read to relax when tense, so it was a cruel circle!

My eyes are slowly getting better. While now I have some issues focusing, especially for long periods of time, at least now I don’t need to close one eye just to browse the internet/read twitter. I still have physical therapy and exercises to do, but the progression I’ve already made encourages me not to panic about the issues I still have.

My parents moved a bed to the downstairs for me (to keep me off the steps when they weren’t around), but I had a ton of trouble sleeping at night. The bed has since moved upstairs into my old bedroom and I’ve been sleeping somewhat better, although some nights are still hit or miss. The fact that I can now read when I’m restlessly awake has helped. Reading old favorites helps me keep my sanity.

On a grander scale, I’m extremely limited in many parts of my life.

The accident happened on Dec 29 and I went to my parents’ home on Jan 4th I believe. However, I can’t go back to work (any work) or drive until I have a follow-up appointment with my neurologist, which isn’t until January 31st. So I’m very much stuck. (For reference, my parents live in the country, so there are no sidewalks and very little public transport, so I’m dependent on the kindness of family and friends for visitations and travel.) As soon as I get approval from the neurologist I get to buy a new car (errr, a new used one) and go back to work, but considering how easily I tire, even work will be slow in returning to normal.

What all of this means….

*** I can’t write (despite having TONS of free time). I can’t focus; I can’t sink into the stories I was writing; and I’m somewhat terrified of screwing up the stories I did have going.

*** I can’t edit. Until recently, reading was almost impossible for more than a few sentences, so I can’t edit any of my previous works and I can’t work at all. I’ve been working on developing my ocular strength, but it’s really something that won’t let itself be pushed.

*** I’m not reviewing. While I could technically start reading and reviewing again, I’m holding off because I’m a bit of an emotional mess at the moment. Some mornings I start crying for no reason. I’m not a crier. So I’m a little concerned any book I read/review may not be honestly reviewed, so I’m not jumping right back into that.

However…

*** I’m hoping at the beginning of February to return to my full-time job, have a car, and slowly ease back into my hectic life. It’s probably going to be a little crazy in the beginning as I learn to re-cope with everything, but I will be returning. Please be patient.

*** I have a short story that needs some additions/edits, but will hopefully be going out and be accepted for a free anthology. It’s just supposed to be a fun little thing, but it will sort of be my first writing thing back after the accident, so it’s scary!

*** I’m making good progress with my physical therapy and overall advancements. I go to the gym and walk the track at least 3 days a week to keep me physical (and help me sleep at night). So I’m not wasting away, although all progress results in headaches and muscle aches.

I’ll try to keep everyone fairly updated, but the best place to find random updates is on twitter @alexwhitehall or on my tumblr here: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/alexwhitehall.

That’s it for now. More updates, reviews, and future writing adventures to come as my scrambled little brain can handle it.

Lighting the Way

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

Happy Solstice!
When I first started posting the lists of people who bring light to my life, I was in college and it was easy. Or easier. Some years I feel like I’m naming the same people every year, because, well, those people are consistently bringing me joy. And frustration. But mostly joy.

* Last year my brother and his wife brought three little nuggets into the world and it’s a wonderful thing. I’m not a kid person by any stretch of the imagination, but these are family and I do love them. They are delightful (and headache inducing). Bright little lights they are. And breeding grounds for illness. Oh, kids!

* Amara, who always has a hug for me if I need it an a “Woohoo \o/” when I actually get more than 2 words written. And sometimes even then!

* Aija and Moya, just for being fun people to talk to! Sometimes all you want to do is share funny stories and gifs.

* Tuna, as always, because you show me such kindness.

* Bry because, even though it’s a tad materialistic, you gave me the iThing. And you’re always there to help when I have computer troubles. And I really love my iThing.

There are many other wonderful people in my life who bring me happiness but right now it’s hard to see their light through the darkness of this short, short day.

Also, in case you’re interested, here’s an article from a psychologist sharing how to make resolutions you’ll keep. I’ll think about resolutions when I have a second!

New Release: Gift of the Familiar!

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

Normally on the winter solstice I make a list of those people who have brought light into my light…and I may do that, but the list isn’t going up today. I’ve been super busy, kind of depressed, and unmotivated in that regard.

But I do have other exciting news! Ellis and William (From “Mark of the Familiar”) are returning for a holiday adventure in “Gift of the Familiar.”  The short story is part of Storm Moon Press’s holiday anthology, Milk & Cookies & Handcuffs. You can find it at all the standard stores, and at Storm Moon Press’s website. Below is more information 🙂 Be sure to check it out!

Milk & Cookies & Handcuffs anthology
“Gift of the Familiar”

Ah, the holidays. Gifts and songs. Tinsel and lights. Whips and chains? That’s right. This holiday anthology is all about BDSM, filled with characters who know that sometimes it’s Nice to be Naughty. This collection of five stories includes gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans*, and straight couples (and moresomes) that share a common desire for the kinkier side of sex: sensual bondage, sexual domination, and genuine, loving submission. And what better time to explore this dynamic of giving and receiving than the holidays? ‘Tis the season, after all!

Shapeshifting Ellis learns from his new master William about the traditions and true meaning of First Day, stories kept from him by his spiteful former master. The day of celebration becomes even sweeter when Ellis opens his presents and receives the Gift of the Familiar — and then has William try it out on him!

Soups and Diners release!

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Because I’ve been laid up with a stomach bug, I’m a little late to the party, but…

My short story “Soups and Diners” is now available through Dreamspinner Press!

Two days before Christmas, just after his best friend’s wedding, Max is in a diner when he’s joined by Stan, another wedding guest. Getting to know each other ensues with some awkwardness, teasing, and fun conversation. They seem to hit it off, but Stan has reservations, wondering if Max is too good to be true, and Max has a history of bad boyfriend choices. Will meeting each other be a Christmas miracle—or a prettily wrapped present that’s really an empty box?

Happy surprises

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

First, business: You can read my story “Soups and Diners” as part of Dreamspinner Press’s Advent Anthology. There’s a story for every day in December. The release date is December 1st! I think eventually you can buy it individually, so I’ll link to that when it happens.

Also, Storm Moon Press, which has another of my holiday pieces in their Milk & Cookies & Handcuffs anthology, is putting out the anthology on December 21st. So expect more about that later!

Second, the word-dulling depression has lifted. It’s been come and go since Thanksgiving, but it’s been fairly gone the past two days. I’ve written 11,000 words in November, 3,600 of them today. Although I wasn’t aiming to write a story, I wrote one short piece and then an idea just kind of took hold and I’ve been running with it. We’ll see if it gets an end. If it doesn’t get a conclusion, at least in my mind, I’ll post it here for anyone who wants to read my raw stuff.

Third, Christmas is coming. Which means birthdays, parties, and holidays. Are you excited? I’m pretty excited. It’s a cheery season with gift giving, cookie baking, etc, etc. It also makes me want to write a holiday story, but whenever I think of holiday stories, I think of this one. I know I’ve written others, many of them happy. Three of them published (and all happy). But I normally don’t write the happy ones. But we’ll see what I can come up with!

Snowy woods

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We had snow today in my little world, which is odd in itself and is probably a sign we won’t have a white Christmas. But it was a lovely snow, wet and heavy and will probably be gone in a week. But it made me think of Robert Frost’s “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” and I thought I’d share it.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. 

Robert Frost