Hopefully without cursing myself…

I slept wonderfully this weekend. It was very refreshing and I feel much better. Especially with all the cleaning I got done. Productivity always feels good.

Speaking of feeling good, I feel confident in saying: I survived winter.

Normally winter makes me have short emotional fuses, slightly irrational thought patterns and an overall negative view of life (but mostly myself). But this winter, I was able to stave that off, for the most part. I still had my moments, of course, but I felt pretty good all winter. I keep waiting for the depression to hit, but I keep feeling rather happy. It’s nice.

Why was this winter different? I can’t say for certain, but I think there are two main reasons:
1. More riding. Normally my winter riding is once a week, in the ring, if that. This year, I rode once or twice a week out on trails. It was cold, but it was OUT and it was reviving. Each morning you’d ask “why am I doing this” and find out the answer was “because this is living.”
2. More writing. While I always “try” to set a writing schedule up, this year I actually did. And I kept to it. Since November I’ve been writing at least once a week, often more. It’s been nice. And I found when I wrote, even on days I really didn’t want to, I felt good afterwards. Like I was totally awesome or something. Can writing be a drug?

Also, in relation to this post about the action-feeling connection, I also tried harder to not let myself get trapped in negative feelings. Sometimes I caved and just curled up with books or movies or television and wasted my day. Only once did I avoid hanging out with people–and that was just as equally just exhaustion on my part. Most the time (since my moods happen at night) I was able to go to bed and wake up feeling fine the next morning. However, I was also able to stave off many of these moods by forcing myself to be productive and positive. Cleaning (and doing dishes) helps because it doesn’t take talent or skill but has a positive reward at the end with obvious results.

Closing thoughts: Doing your dishes has multiple positive benefits, including having clean dishes.

2 thoughts on “Hopefully without cursing myself…

  1. In all seriousness, it sounds like you have a case of SAD (Season Affective Disorder). Barry @ the DLN had it, too. He had a special light bulb prescribed to help with it. That may be why being outdoors helped – More sunlight.Or it might just be that you were being more active and life-affirming, accomplishing goals and thus achieving and growing and living.

  2. The therapist I briefly saw “diagnosed” me with SAD. I really do like the sunlight, and I did more walking during work hours (over lunch) which gave me more sun as well. I just think it wasn’t just the more sunlight that I got, it was the overall positive attitude I forced myself to take on things!

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