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Time is not on our side.

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

Exhaustion.

It’s really amazing what the human body can be put through and not only survive but get stronger. It’s amazing how our bodies heal and how they regenerate. It’s amazing how exhausted we can be one day, but with proper rest we’ll be energetic.

It’s also kinda annoying when you haven’t had time to relax.

Since my Riding Instructor (RI) has a broken arm, I’ve been helping out more whenever I’m down that way. So four days a week I now have a required amount of work to do instead of the volunteer basis I used to do it on. This doesn’t bother me too much in itself, since she would much rather not have a broken arm and not have to depend on me. But it still drains a portion of my time.

My one barn friend broke her patella in two and is laid up for at least 8 weeks. Well her daughter (C) still needs to ride to get ready for a show, so I’ve been picking her up and dropping her off 2-3 days a week, since I’m going there anyway and her house is mostly on my way. The time this takes is really only 10-15 minutes tops additional travel time, but it’s still less. Plus there are other little things (like having to help her at the barn and minor things like that). More time drained.

Plus, when driving in the car with C, we always sit in silence pretty much. Now, I don’t mind sitting in silence in the car, since I’m usually alone in a car, but I wonder if I should make conversation. What is the etiquette? Who’s duty is it to keep conversation going, the driver or the passenger? In addition, C is 14 years old, so her answers tend to be succinct and not involved. This leads to very short conversations. I’m hoping this also means she doesn’t mind driving in silence (and that she doesn’t mind my music). This doesn’t take time, but it creates an “out of my comfort zone” mood too often in a drive that I usually use for mind-wandering exploration.

I’ve been getting ready for a horse show, which is joyfully over (and I won’t go into it). I’m hoping maybe I’ll get a little bit more time back, or at least not have to be focused on actually getting things done when I am at the barn. It’s amazing the difference when you’re riding to prepare for a show versus just riding to improve. There shouldn’t be one, but there is, and I can’t say I like it all that much.

My friend’s bachelorette party was last night, and was over all fun. But it was just one more thing on my long list of time-consuming things and I think it broke this camel’s back a little. I was up at 7:15 to get to the barn, etc, and then had addition show preparation duties, got home around noon, collapsed without sleeping, showered, had a few hours to relax and do things that needed to get done before heading out.

I got home around 1:30(?) and then woke up the next morning for the show at 7:15. I really miss 8 hours of sleep. I guess it doesn’t seem like much, but every weekend, every day, every moment seems to be filled with something, and when it’s not, I’m either too exhausted to focus, too unmotivated to do what needs done (read: dishes), or not willing to start something that will be interrupted.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings….

On Riding, Deodorant, and Life

/ Alex Whitehall / 5 Comments

This has been quite the week. Nothing of particular interest happened to me, but the world around me seems to be having bad luck!

At my barn 1. a woman was kicked by a horse which cut open her leg and broke her patella 2. my riding instructor broke her arm when a horse bucked and hit her 3. a worker was in a car accident. I’m a little afraid to go back!

My last several days have been looking at all the back entries at http://www.postsecret.com. I think I’m going to send something in. Or several somethings. It’s weird when you’re reading them and you’re like “someone else is too…” (I especially like the people who write in “I’m 27 and a virgin” because it makes me feel a little less alone). What’s weird is thinking about what secrets I’d share–and realizing it has to be the one secret that I need to share.

I think I love Degree deodorant. I haven’t given it a full test, but so far, I smell like me in the morning, not OMGMETAKEASHOWER.

Why do we keep secrets?

Boondock Saints

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

Part 2…

Okay, so I finally saw the trailer for Boondock Saints 2: All Saints’ Day.

For those of you who don’t know, I’m a huge fan of the original. I loved the acting, the story, the deeper meanings, etc. The only thing I didn’t really like about the movie was Rocco, and…well, you know.

But I’m not sure how I feel about the second movie. I know the trailers often don’t do a movie justice, especially one that touches upon a variety of ethical questions (assuming this one follows in it’s father’s footsteps). I think my biggest concern is the glib manner in which the brothers seem to talk about faith and religion, at least in the clips we’re shown. I also see that a third wheel (err..fourth now, I guess with dad there) was once again added, and once again has bad hair.

I’m hoping that this movie isn’t just a repeat of the first movie, with a few different twists and a few different vendettas. Am I going to see it in theaters…probably, if only because I didn’t get to see the first one there. But I’m going in very tentatively.

Anyone want to go with me?

Wake me up when September comes

/ Alex Whitehall / 2 Comments

After cooking dinner, exercising, and eating, I did nothing productive and instead reread Sunshine. I started it last night, so I only really had to finish it, but still, there was so much more I could have spent my time doing–like the pile of dishes that are waiting for me (still). And instead of doing them I’m writing here because I didn’t do any other productive writing today.

I think the one thing I love about Sunshine is the point of the novel (or one of the points that I take away, at least). Sure, I love the vampires and magic and there are great characters in the book, but from beginning to end, the story is about how life happens no matter what, but interesting things in life don’t happen unless you step outside your door. The things that happen may not be what you had in mind, but that’s the risk you take when you leave your comfort zone.

Then I ask myself, How often do I leave my comfort zone? Am I willing to step into the darkness and let it embrace me? What would happen if something exciting/terrifying did occur in my life? Is the danger something I have to go look for, or will it find me itself is another question, one I don’t ask because I worry over the answer. This doesn’t mean I’ll sleep with my doors unlocked, but it does mean I’m no longer afraid to sleep in the dark–in fact, I like it that way now.*

Life has been filled with nothing of interest lately. It’s filled with good things, but nothing interesting, at least to outsiders. I could tell you how yesterday we were cantering across a field and the wind was blowing across my skin and the smooth pound of the horse’s hooves beneath me and the sun was shining but it was still cool and how that was heaven. But you probably don’t want to hear about it.

Since the evening is already blown and there is no way I’m going to do my dishes tonight, I’m going to go read another book that I’ve been trucking through.


*For those who didn’t know, until I went to college I needed a nightlight to sleep, because I couldn’t stand waking up and being totally blind. The campus was always lit enough to shed light in my windows at school, so it wasn’t a problem. I didn’t start sleeping without a nightlight until mine blew out (in a more literal sense than I care for). But I sleep in the dark now 🙂

Birthday updates

/ Alex Whitehall / 2 Comments

While I should be finishing my cleaning before my guests arrive, I decided I needed to…talk.

I’ve been rather absent this past week because I was house sitting, and while I had internet and my laptop, I didn’t have access to documents in certain formats that are on my desktop. My week there was rather relaxing, involving swimming, riding, kitty petting, reading and sleeping. It was like a minivacation from normal life.

B-side: I haven’t been able to work on editing as much as you would have liked, nor as much as I had planned. Aside from the aforementioned out-of-apartment experience, time just got out of hand. I apologize. I request another month, and I’ll start throwing things back to you when I get a good chunk done.

Last night I think I may have gotten four hours of sleep, assuming it was sleep and not just my brain finally collapsing in on itself. I don’t know what happened, I just had a breakdown. So I woke up at 5:30 and tried to sleep for that last two hours (and failed) before getting up and going to the barn to take care of horses in the pouring rain.

Sleeping when I got home didn’t work either. So I’m sleep deprived, on the edge of _____, and having a birthday party. I’m hoping that seeing my friends, who I haven’t seen in weeks, will help (and not make me cry). I’m so dark under my eyes I look like I got punched and it just didn’t swell up. I’m also probably going to get really jittery when I start downing caffeinated drinks.

On a side note, I made some delicious-looking* carrot cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. And after I finish cleaning I may make some biscotti, although in my current brain-state I don’t know if I can following directions. I’m going to shut up now before my rambling gets out of hand.

* I totally made edits just to put in the hypen, because it bothered me. I need a life.

To everyone: I’m working on it.

/ Alex Whitehall / 2 Comments

I have a horse show tomorrow, that I’m not riding in, but I get to wake up really early for. like 5:45. Ugh. Weekends are for sleeping!

Nothing new has really happened recently. Riding horses, reading, writing, having friends, watching anime, and working.

Ambitions are really something. My current ambition, which I constantly stumble over and try to reaffirm, is to find more balance in my life. This is a two parter, one of which involves being less reliant on items. That doesn’t mean I won’t use my computer (etc), but that I should stop buying all those things that I don’t need (like all those little figurines sitting on my shelf). The second half is to work on meditation. To relax, focus, realign.

But these are both difficult things for me to accomplish because I (1) never set aside time for meditation and (2) like buying things. If I were to represent a deadly sin, I’d be envy. I don’t think I am “keeping up with the Joneses” as much as other people, but seeing people have things makes me want them, not for “OMG look at me” purposes, but because those things look fun. I see people playing the Wii and I think “Maybe I should get one” before I remind myself that I don’t set aside time to play my GameCube. But still, I’m a consumer and it’s a very hard habit to break. Any tips are appreciated.

I may need to ease into the meditating with crocheting, because crocheting has an end result, and it makes it feel more productive. I hate feeling unproductive. I hate waiting. I hate losing minutes. I wish I could take all those lost minutes of waiting and bunch them together to do something with. On the other hand, if I take those minutes and use them to meditate, I guess I’d be putting them to use.

As you may have realized from my frantic typing, I’m a little…high strung recently. I don’t know why. I feel restless and unhappy and unfocused and explodey. Like one long sugar high. So those things I’ve been meaning to get done aren’t getting done. I apologize to anyone on the receiving end of that.

I just made a scarf:

(I’m fond of it, even though it’s bright orange. Like the MASH shirt?)

Finally, to my eldest sibling, I’ve been meaning to call you. So hopefully I’ll actually do it sometime soon.

TMI – Boys, you may want to avert your eyes

/ Alex Whitehall / 1 Comment

TMI – Boys, you may want to avert your eyes

As all of you know, I am a rather flat-chested woman. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t be easier to have nothing instead of the jell-o shots that currently reside there. But I’ve come to terms with my breasts, and aside from sometimes wishing I had a nice B-cup, my current size is conducive to my lifestyle.

Now, lately my bras have been rather uncomfortable and just annoying me, in general. So I figured I would soon need to venture into the world of undergarments to get a new one (shudder). BUT, I thought, there have to be other small chested women out there with my same mal-fitting bra problem.

(did I mention that I heart google?)

A quick google search led me to the realization that there is actually a bra size smaller than A. It’s AA (which confused me, because double letters normally means larger). It’s my size! Those damn bra-makers that said my only option was A or “nearly A” were lying! I want to know why AA isn’t more well-known! Okay, well I know the answer to that…not enough women have tea-cup chests. After realizing this new tid-bit of information, I began researching stores (like FigLeaves) that offer this size.

I’m not a huge fan of ordering bras online, but I took a risk and did so. It was a pretty good deal, and the bra seemed to fit most of my specifications. I’ll update everyone later (if I remember). I then headed to Kohl’s just to see what they had and found little/nothing. I did find one thing from Barely There in a “Nearly A” but the rib-cage size was too small so it was a no-go. Of course it was on the “discontinued” rack. Also, what bra-maker thinks it’s okay to have a bra sized as A/B? A =/= B. Fuck you.

I’ve also decided my perfect bra would be a cami shelf (double material) without the rest of the shirt. Those of you who say “isn’t that just a sports bra” obviously do not have boobs. Or know what sexy looks like. These are the closest I’ve gotten, but they are too constricting. I want something that just keeps my nipples from showing and gives me support, not makes me into a boy. (Sidenote: I actually would have no problems with wearing sports bras all the time. However, society deems I should have breasts and a sexy figure, and I can’t help but feed into that a little, especially since I’m still hunting down my partner. Also, the material of my perfect bra would need to be soft and silky, not cotton, to which all things cling.)

That is all. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest (err…so to speak).

Gray skies are smiling

/ Alex Whitehall / 5 Comments

I’ve been in a strange way lately–not easily distracted, but not completely focused. I’ve been writing, but also reading and watching some old favorites on DVD. And riding, of course. Just feeling a little restless.

I read Anima which was good. It wasn’t amazing, but for what it was, not bad. It had a strange way of having plot, but still leaving me with feeling it didn’t have enough plot. Maybe because it lacked depth.

Still reading Bloodsucking Fiends. It’s good, but not really inspiring. Not one of those books you gobble down. I also finally purchased Coraline (the book). I’ve never had one of those moments where I went to a bookstore and didn’t really find anything I wanted to buy. But now I have (except I did end up buying something, because that’s what lists are for).

I rewatched Ouran, because although I can’t seem to finish other series that I watch, Ouran is like candy. Candy laced with cocaine. I think I enjoyed it more this time too, because I knew what was going to happen, so I could just sit back and studying everything while being less involved.

My computer has been rebeling like an angsty teen lately. At first AIM was glitchy, and then my computer stopped recognizing my internet, but still let me use the internet. Thanks to a certain zombyhero, I was able to fix that, but AIM still isn’t working (I’ve changed to Trillian), and it won’t even let me uninstall. Things also feel a little slow. I may defrag, run some virus and malware searches and see where I come out at.

Work is exhausting me. Overworked, underpaid, overstressed. We have cut hours, which you’d think would mean “yay, time to relax” but it just means that when we go back to work we get stressed out all the more quickly because there is so much to do. Plus, while normally during our busy times we’d be willing to take things home and work on them, I have no desire to do so since it’s their own fault that they put us in this position. Sure, it’s fine for sales to have cut hours, but we’re all expected to get the same amount of work done in less time. It’s not possible without something breaking. I don’t want to be the one to break.

I’m going to go try to fix the world.

This side of morning

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

Hmmm, I’ll be brief: Otakon was a blast!

I didn’t take too many pictures, but my friends did, so I have pictures, but nothing like the first year I went ^.^ Anyways, it was a really good time and it sucks to be back at work. Any stress that left while on vacation has returned sixfold with the backlog of work. And an editor who doesn’t really realize all that I do.

I didn’t do alot of writing while at the convention, but I did a fair amount the day I got back, and the day after (which I took off for recooperating purposes). It was mostly just an exercise type thing, but I kind of like the world I created, so I may return to it. It’s also something I don’t feel comfortable sharing with people I see face-to-face yet, so it’s hidden on my other dA account. Feel free to try and find it 🙂 My writing style may give it away. I’ll even give a hint: I’m an angel 😉

And one picture, because it’s the main character from my thesis and he pulled it off well with Smiley-Face Blades and all:
The picture came out dark, so I tried to sharpen it and blur the background to keep people from being in the pic who maybe didn’t want to be. The closest group of people are my friends waiting for me to get done humping on this guy.

Maybe a real update later….*giggle*

Perhaps my last post before vacation

/ Alex Whitehall / 3 Comments

First off, I enjoyed today’s XKCD, here. Be sure to hover your mouse for the secret message ^.^

Second, I’m tired! I’m looking forward to vacation although it will most likely involve little rest. Speaking of vacation–in this world of technology we seem to take more and more stuff with us. I always make a list of what I need to pack and it used to be all clothing. Now I have clothing (and essentials) plus my ipod, cellphone (+ charger), laptop (+ cables), camera (+batteries).

Third, one day of work left! I’m actually leaving things in somewhat of an organized way so nothing should explode. Let’s hope it stays that way.

Bloodsucking Fiends is pretty good so far. It didn’t really win me over, but more of the individual characters are starting to meet, so I see the beginnings of plot. I’ll be taking it with me on vaca, but I don’t know how much reading will happen. Boy Meets Boy is also being deliciously funny (how can you say no to a book with a drag queen named Infinite Darlene?). Sadly it will not be heard on vacation, because even though it says it’s ipod compatible, my ipod disagrees.

Yay Vacation!