Writing. Editing. Repeat.

March 20, 2013December 4, 2018 / Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

I’m just going to ignore everything happening with that which rests above my shoulders at the moment.

I’ve been doing a fair amount of editing on old stuff, some which needs major fixes and some which needs (hopefully) minor changes and inserts. But this past week I’ve been working for Riptide and working on new stuff. Or sorta new stuff. Or something.

I finished edits on the Earth Day Piece and sent that in. If they don’t want it, I will probably post it on SmashWords or something for free.

My one shifter story was being completely uncooperative, and then I saw a picture and a friend and I exchanged a few words and I had a different shifter story that needed to be told. I wrote it up, and despite it being shorter than requirements, I sent it in for an anthology. I’m hoping they like it. My original shifter story is still in progress. The damn things either sit there silent or they talk up a storm. I swear.

And because I’m a masochist or something, I signed up for one of the prompts at MM Romance’s Love Has No Boundaries writing marathon. I wasn’t going to. But then this man came up and I just wanted to. Needed to. I hope I can do right by him.

And that’s what’s been going on in my corner of the world.

Writing: an update

February 25, 2013 / Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

When I went to the neurologist at the end of January, I was told I shouldn’t return to work, so like a good little patient, I didn’t. It doesn’t mean I haven’t bee working on things, although all of that has been slow and laborious.

Writing: Just to keep in the habit and give myself faith that I was still capable, I start writing a little each day, with no real plan of a story. Then I got a plan, at least for the characters and their history. I’ve written and rewrote them several times and I’m still not satisfied that they have a story to tell. Maybe one day. I’m just not sure, which is frustrating, but bearable. So that is coming in starts and stops. After my daily nap, I started thinking about a different story that I had put on the back burner, and now I sort of want to return to. We’ll see.

Edits, round 1: I sent a novel (FIW) off to an author for a beta read, and she got back to me (quickly!). Now I have to grow the pair of balls to read all her comments. Generally she seemed to enjoy it, so I think I’ll be able to handle the comments, but MUST GROW BALLS.

Edits, round 12: I decided to return to a story (BaW) that got shoved off the table due to my accident. The editor wants changes and I’m struggling with them, so I sent this story out to more readers to get feedback (and some people I can brainstorm off/with). These people aren’t going to have a 3 day turnaround time like the awesome author above, but hopefully they’ll help me figure out what I want to do with it.

Other than that, I’m trying to heal and mend, and rest. Daily naps seemed silly in the beginning, but as I push my brain and eyes to work harder, I let myself take naps to help them rest and hopefully heal.

I go back to the neurologist on March 14. I’m hoping that general time proves happier for me than for Caesar.

Healing, or bitching, whichever

January 29, 2013 / Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

On Thursday I go to the neurologist and get a CAT scan. And hopefully these staples out of my head. My competence will be decided and I’ll be told if I can return to driving and work. I was feeling fairly confident in both these things, at least the work thing, but last Thursday my father and I went on a longer drive and I felt rather dizzy from looking out the window. Now, it was a 20 minute drive at least, at the end of the day, in a manual transmission, in the dark. I think all these things worked together to make me more sensitive.

Oddly, my reaction to the drive didn’t really make me question my ability. Then Sunday (or Monday) night, when my parents and I were talking about the appointment, my father said he didn’t think the neurologist would pass me.

Aside from the hurt I felt at not having my father’s support, I was grumpy, because as much as I love my parents and am grateful for their help through this difficult time, I’m SO ready to be gone. I’m used to living alone and they have their lives, which no longer fits me. I have a bed, but my laptop is set up in the dining room. They pretty much have the TV on as soon as they get home, leaving me no place for quiet in the evenings aside from the room I’m staying in, which is pretty much just the bed I’m using.

I want to go home. To my home. My apartment. Where I can walk a mile and get pretty much everything I want. Currently I’m trapped in the house. There are no sidewalks so it’s unsafe for me to walk anywhere, and there isn’t really anywhere to walk. My outside exposure is walking to get the mail. Exercise requires getting in a car and driving 10 minutes to the gym so I can walk in circles on the track. I only have a set number of clothes with me and whether it’s rational or not, I feel like their house is constantly cold. Thus I feel cold.

Plus they have tons more food here that I munch on constantly.

I realize these are all minor complaints and even if I move home I need to work out things like how to get to PT and work (if I’m allowed back at work), especially if I can’t drive. There are benefits to staying with my parents, but it also feels debilitating. I know the body needs to heal and I can’t rush it just because I want to get back to my normal life, but patience is not my strong suit.

And I’m really tired of looking out the same windows.

Being Broken

January 17, 2013 / Alex Whitehall / 2 Comments

As anyone who follows me on twitter or tumblr knows, on Dec 29 I was in a car accident. I don’t remember anything about it, but this is what I’ve been told:

I was driving home from my parents’ house and it was starting to snow. The roads were exceptionally slippery that afternoon, although we don’t really know why. I slid out of control, turned 360 and went into the opposing traffic, where a jeep ran into my trunk (or I ran into it, the details are unclear, I suppose). My trunk was pushed into my back seat and the rest of my car followed suit. Amazingly my only injury was some lower back pain and a serious concussion (and several brain bleeds). I was in the ICU for a week and then moved to a regular hospital room before being released into the care of my parents.

All of this is scary enough, but some of the scarier things, for me at least, happened once I was released home. I felt normal. Sure I was weak on my feet and got dizzy, but that seemed fine. Once I was home however, I realized that there were some other concussion ramifications aside from dizziness and memory loss.

For a while I couldn’t read anything because my eyes would focus on two different points in the word and I’d see double of it all. This was especially terrifying since I work as an editor as a living, a writer as a dream, and a reader as a mainstay of existence. So that had me panicking, plus I couldn’t read to relax when tense, so it was a cruel circle!

My eyes are slowly getting better. While now I have some issues focusing, especially for long periods of time, at least now I don’t need to close one eye just to browse the internet/read twitter. I still have physical therapy and exercises to do, but the progression I’ve already made encourages me not to panic about the issues I still have.

My parents moved a bed to the downstairs for me (to keep me off the steps when they weren’t around), but I had a ton of trouble sleeping at night. The bed has since moved upstairs into my old bedroom and I’ve been sleeping somewhat better, although some nights are still hit or miss. The fact that I can now read when I’m restlessly awake has helped. Reading old favorites helps me keep my sanity.

On a grander scale, I’m extremely limited in many parts of my life.

The accident happened on Dec 29 and I went to my parents’ home on Jan 4th I believe. However, I can’t go back to work (any work) or drive until I have a follow-up appointment with my neurologist, which isn’t until January 31st. So I’m very much stuck. (For reference, my parents live in the country, so there are no sidewalks and very little public transport, so I’m dependent on the kindness of family and friends for visitations and travel.) As soon as I get approval from the neurologist I get to buy a new car (errr, a new used one) and go back to work, but considering how easily I tire, even work will be slow in returning to normal.

What all of this means….

*** I can’t write (despite having TONS of free time). I can’t focus; I can’t sink into the stories I was writing; and I’m somewhat terrified of screwing up the stories I did have going.

*** I can’t edit. Until recently, reading was almost impossible for more than a few sentences, so I can’t edit any of my previous works and I can’t work at all. I’ve been working on developing my ocular strength, but it’s really something that won’t let itself be pushed.

*** I’m not reviewing. While I could technically start reading and reviewing again, I’m holding off because I’m a bit of an emotional mess at the moment. Some mornings I start crying for no reason. I’m not a crier. So I’m a little concerned any book I read/review may not be honestly reviewed, so I’m not jumping right back into that.

However…

*** I’m hoping at the beginning of February to return to my full-time job, have a car, and slowly ease back into my hectic life. It’s probably going to be a little crazy in the beginning as I learn to re-cope with everything, but I will be returning. Please be patient.

*** I have a short story that needs some additions/edits, but will hopefully be going out and be accepted for a free anthology. It’s just supposed to be a fun little thing, but it will sort of be my first writing thing back after the accident, so it’s scary!

*** I’m making good progress with my physical therapy and overall advancements. I go to the gym and walk the track at least 3 days a week to keep me physical (and help me sleep at night). So I’m not wasting away, although all progress results in headaches and muscle aches.

I’ll try to keep everyone fairly updated, but the best place to find random updates is on twitter @alexwhitehall or on my tumblr here: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/alexwhitehall.

That’s it for now. More updates, reviews, and future writing adventures to come as my scrambled little brain can handle it.

Quick Note

July 2, 2012 / Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

I probably won’t be doing much blogging here for the month of July, for two reasons:

1. I’m going to be doing Camp Nanowrimo in July (instead of June or August, because I’m a rebel like that). I shall continue posting reviews, which means working full time and part time, reading, reviewing, riding horses, exercising, and writing 1,700 words a day.

2. I’m going to try to make a tumblr post every day, just as a general update, vent frustrations, that sort of thing. It can be found here: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/alexwhitehall. They shouldn’t be long, but if you’re interested in my progress, there it shall be.

Come August (ack!) I’ll give an update on where all my projects stand, as it feels like they are in a constant state of flux! Thanks for your patience.

A series of thoughts

October 18, 2009 / Alex Whitehall / 6 Comments

I know I tend to avoid politics and most things related to it with a plague-like vengeance. But here is a post about something political. However, to ease you into, first two comments: I had two gift cards, so I swung by B&N and picked up Wicked and Son of a Witch and then hopped over to Maggie Moo’s and bought some ice cream (because who doesn’t like ice cream when it’s 43 degrees out?).

Onto the politics. I received a news blurb sometime last week to this: The Abstinence Lobby’s Lone Wolf. It seems one man (by the name of Raymond Ruddy) has paid a lobbyist $130,000 of his own money in order to lobby for abstinence-only education.

From the article:

The lone wolf strategy appears to be is paying off — so far, anyway. In late September, the Senate Finance Committee approved an amendment to its health care bill from Utah Republican Orrin Hatch that would reinstate $50 million in annual funding to abstinence-only programs. Earlier this year, President Obama removed funding for the programs from his budget. Several studies have found that abstinence-only sex education programs, which teach abstinence but not birth control or other safe sex practices, are ineffective.

The committee approved the overall bill, which makes me wonder if they saw this little funding bit or if it got lost among the clutter. Either way it frustrates me that something so monumentally stupid is still being pushed, even if it is just by one man, because that one man (and his lobby) are still having influence.

I don’t have deep thoughts about this particularly, just a general anger, and I needed to share.

Too busy with life to bother

October 12, 2009 / Alex Whitehall / 2 Comments

Everytime I post here I seem to complain about how busy I am. Well it’s true, but it doesn’t mean I should complain. I enjoy being busy and often find things to do when I’m not busy in order to keep busy. It’s my personality and while it’s exhausting (both for me and those I spend my time with), it keeps me sane. Or has thus far.

This weekend was T’s wedding and it was quite lovely and the reception was grand. It was personal and enjoyable. I hope she’s enjoying her honeymoon. Otherwise I spent alot of money on things I’ve wanted to spend money on, so it was both good and bad. I finally bought the final parts of Soba’s birthday present, got something to play my ipod in my car, and a footlong at Subway, which has just been too long.

My computer has been acting very virus-y lately, but I hopefully got the kinks worked out. I think the rest of tonight will be burning a backup of my computer, just incase. That was just unneeded stress this week/weekend. But it could be worse.

Side Note: While at a bookstore today I saw a book “The spirituality of atheism” or something similarly titled. I glanced through the book and it got me thinking: Can atheists have spiritualism? If going by the definition (which according to MW is: “one who believes that there is no deity”), then yes. But I think the connotation is such that atheists tend to not believe in anything beyond the natural world, at least in most cases. I guess this comes around (at least in my experience) because of what people are exposed to. People tend to think of spirituality as being related to religion, which normally translates to Islam, Judiasm, Christianity. But it obviously does not have to be exclusive, since I am spiritual but have no interest in religion, and really not even interest in pinpointing that there is one god.

So I guess, in a definition standard, I’m atheist. I don’t think I’ll be spreading this new found knowledge around. When it comes up, I tend to just tell people I’m Non-Christian, which is normally enough. If they really want to get into the specifics I’ll tell them, but I’m not normally comfortable talking about my spirituality, because people tend to make assumptions. One day I’ll write up a piece about it. Maybe I’ll make hand outs. Hah.

So what are you? Why do we feel the need to label things? Why do we feel the need to fit inside those labels?

Does any one actually fit into those labels? I mean, I know none of us represent them completely, but I feel like I never fit into any of them, or, if I do, really small groups. Like the people who like peas but only if they are in mashed potatoes made with milk, butter and salt. That’s not the only way I like peas, merely an example. Cause, forbid I actually use a personal example.

Time is not on our side.

September 27, 2009 / Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

Exhaustion.

It’s really amazing what the human body can be put through and not only survive but get stronger. It’s amazing how our bodies heal and how they regenerate. It’s amazing how exhausted we can be one day, but with proper rest we’ll be energetic.

It’s also kinda annoying when you haven’t had time to relax.

Since my Riding Instructor (RI) has a broken arm, I’ve been helping out more whenever I’m down that way. So four days a week I now have a required amount of work to do instead of the volunteer basis I used to do it on. This doesn’t bother me too much in itself, since she would much rather not have a broken arm and not have to depend on me. But it still drains a portion of my time.

My one barn friend broke her patella in two and is laid up for at least 8 weeks. Well her daughter (C) still needs to ride to get ready for a show, so I’ve been picking her up and dropping her off 2-3 days a week, since I’m going there anyway and her house is mostly on my way. The time this takes is really only 10-15 minutes tops additional travel time, but it’s still less. Plus there are other little things (like having to help her at the barn and minor things like that). More time drained.

Plus, when driving in the car with C, we always sit in silence pretty much. Now, I don’t mind sitting in silence in the car, since I’m usually alone in a car, but I wonder if I should make conversation. What is the etiquette? Who’s duty is it to keep conversation going, the driver or the passenger? In addition, C is 14 years old, so her answers tend to be succinct and not involved. This leads to very short conversations. I’m hoping this also means she doesn’t mind driving in silence (and that she doesn’t mind my music). This doesn’t take time, but it creates an “out of my comfort zone” mood too often in a drive that I usually use for mind-wandering exploration.

I’ve been getting ready for a horse show, which is joyfully over (and I won’t go into it). I’m hoping maybe I’ll get a little bit more time back, or at least not have to be focused on actually getting things done when I am at the barn. It’s amazing the difference when you’re riding to prepare for a show versus just riding to improve. There shouldn’t be one, but there is, and I can’t say I like it all that much.

My friend’s bachelorette party was last night, and was over all fun. But it was just one more thing on my long list of time-consuming things and I think it broke this camel’s back a little. I was up at 7:15 to get to the barn, etc, and then had addition show preparation duties, got home around noon, collapsed without sleeping, showered, had a few hours to relax and do things that needed to get done before heading out.

I got home around 1:30(?) and then woke up the next morning for the show at 7:15. I really miss 8 hours of sleep. I guess it doesn’t seem like much, but every weekend, every day, every moment seems to be filled with something, and when it’s not, I’m either too exhausted to focus, too unmotivated to do what needs done (read: dishes), or not willing to start something that will be interrupted.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings….

Birthday updates

August 22, 2009 / Alex Whitehall / 2 Comments

While I should be finishing my cleaning before my guests arrive, I decided I needed to…talk.

I’ve been rather absent this past week because I was house sitting, and while I had internet and my laptop, I didn’t have access to documents in certain formats that are on my desktop. My week there was rather relaxing, involving swimming, riding, kitty petting, reading and sleeping. It was like a minivacation from normal life.

B-side: I haven’t been able to work on editing as much as you would have liked, nor as much as I had planned. Aside from the aforementioned out-of-apartment experience, time just got out of hand. I apologize. I request another month, and I’ll start throwing things back to you when I get a good chunk done.

Last night I think I may have gotten four hours of sleep, assuming it was sleep and not just my brain finally collapsing in on itself. I don’t know what happened, I just had a breakdown. So I woke up at 5:30 and tried to sleep for that last two hours (and failed) before getting up and going to the barn to take care of horses in the pouring rain.

Sleeping when I got home didn’t work either. So I’m sleep deprived, on the edge of _____, and having a birthday party. I’m hoping that seeing my friends, who I haven’t seen in weeks, will help (and not make me cry). I’m so dark under my eyes I look like I got punched and it just didn’t swell up. I’m also probably going to get really jittery when I start downing caffeinated drinks.

On a side note, I made some delicious-looking* carrot cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. And after I finish cleaning I may make some biscotti, although in my current brain-state I don’t know if I can following directions. I’m going to shut up now before my rambling gets out of hand.

* I totally made edits just to put in the hypen, because it bothered me. I need a life.

To everyone: I’m working on it.

August 15, 2009December 4, 2018 / Alex Whitehall / 2 Comments

I have a horse show tomorrow, that I’m not riding in, but I get to wake up really early for. like 5:45. Ugh. Weekends are for sleeping!

Nothing new has really happened recently. Riding horses, reading, writing, having friends, watching anime, and working.

Ambitions are really something. My current ambition, which I constantly stumble over and try to reaffirm, is to find more balance in my life. This is a two parter, one of which involves being less reliant on items. That doesn’t mean I won’t use my computer (etc), but that I should stop buying all those things that I don’t need (like all those little figurines sitting on my shelf). The second half is to work on meditation. To relax, focus, realign.

But these are both difficult things for me to accomplish because I (1) never set aside time for meditation and (2) like buying things. If I were to represent a deadly sin, I’d be envy. I don’t think I am “keeping up with the Joneses” as much as other people, but seeing people have things makes me want them, not for “OMG look at me” purposes, but because those things look fun. I see people playing the Wii and I think “Maybe I should get one” before I remind myself that I don’t set aside time to play my GameCube. But still, I’m a consumer and it’s a very hard habit to break. Any tips are appreciated.

I may need to ease into the meditating with crocheting, because crocheting has an end result, and it makes it feel more productive. I hate feeling unproductive. I hate waiting. I hate losing minutes. I wish I could take all those lost minutes of waiting and bunch them together to do something with. On the other hand, if I take those minutes and use them to meditate, I guess I’d be putting them to use.

As you may have realized from my frantic typing, I’m a little…high strung recently. I don’t know why. I feel restless and unhappy and unfocused and explodey. Like one long sugar high. So those things I’ve been meaning to get done aren’t getting done. I apologize to anyone on the receiving end of that.

I just made a scarf: