They put my dog to sleep tonight. Her name was Samantha (and Sam and Sammy and Sam-Dog) and she was an old dog who lived a good life. I cried when I found out.

I thought about her soft eyes, and how we’d sit together when it would thunder, both of us trembling.

I remembered her as a puppy, teaching her commands, and I remember her as an old dog, struggling to stand. I know it’s for the best, and she’s out of pain.

I do not cry because I’m sad. I cry because I’m happy she doesn’t hurt, and she had a good life (I’d like to think).

And I regret those times I yelled at her, and that I smacked her with the paper when she wouldn’t be put to bed.

And I think about how we’d go on walks around the yard, and I’d sit there and she’d walk around me. And how she never minded being apart of the story I was thinking of at that moment. How in her time she was a wolf, a loyal hound, the last of her kind, and a familiar.

How for a few years I called her the African word for “three” because of the spots on her chest, of which there were three..although I can no longer remember the word.

I’m sorry that I have no pictures of her on my computer. Most of the ones I took of her were when she was younger and it wasn’t with a digital camera.

And she had an extra toe.

I’m out of tears now, though not really, I just think this is enough, for now, for tonight.

I just realized that, at least lately, most of my stories have involved rain (except the last two, but they are…different).

No real reason for stating this, just slight amazement at my part, and hopefully less rain in future stories.

Listen to what I’m hearing

I find this song to be very moving. For those who didn’t click, it’s Voltaire’s “Crusade.” Most of the songs I’ve heard of his tend to be funny, or at least upbeat in nature (even if it’s because it’s mocking what could possibly be a serious topic). However, this song is pretty dark and I think pretty damn timely (though, when won’t it be timely, since this age old battle has gone on for so long?) Even those songs that have darker sounds aren’t necessarily, I dunno, as powerful as I find “Crusade.”

Not sure why I really wrote this. Perhaps I was avoiding the research I was doing for my story. Maybe I just felt moved.

I’ve had a very good several days, and have been busy enough to not have time to post.

It started with Wednesday. Although it required a stressful drive into (and later out of) the city, I went to see Neil Gaiman give a reading and Q&A. It was absolutely amazing. He’s a very laid back, down to earth person, and is really someone to admire.

Even though I got home by 9, when I woke up the next morning I had no desire to go to work, so called off. I got everything done around the house that I planned to and headed to the barn, where I got to ride two different horses. It was a lovely day, and lots of fun. Plus, I found out one of my barnmates likes Neil Gaiman. To say the least, I was stoked.

Friday, although sore from the previous day’s rides, wasn’t bad, nothing exciting at work or anything. My friends came over, we had chinese and watched anime (Simoun and Death Note). AKA, normal geek things.

This morning, after grocery shopping, I slugged in bed for far longer than normal. Then, when I finally woke up, I went shopping for some Halloween stuff. I stopped at Ollie’s first, thinking of getting a new shower curtain, but eventually decided against it. However, in my browsing, I found they had restocked the shelves that I had previously purchased there that I loved, and so I was able to buy two more sets (though, it wasn’t really financially responsible:). Plus I found pants for halloween and the color yarn I wanted.

Now I’m building the bookshelves and re-arranging my books so they are more organized and accessible.