Uncategorized

Resolutions

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

I don’t recall doing a ‘resolutions’ list last year (my searches came up empty, but it wasn’t a hard search). So I can’t say how I did this year. but I lost some weight and wrote more, so I feel pretty good about things so far.

As for this year:

* I want to write once a week. I’ve been doing really good with this lately and I did pretty well last year (err, for parts of it. I think there was some massive failing in the summer). One, because I’d love to finish the book I’m working on (which is quickly become a series in my head…whoops). Two, because I enjoy it. It oddly gives me something to look forward to on Mondays 🙂

* I want to participate in Nanowrimo (Soba, can you hear me pronouncing it funny? Cause I can.) this year. Which terrifies me. But I want to step up and do the challenge! *trembles*

* I’d love to get down to 120 weight wise, but I’ll settle with just being more fit.

* Read more. I know, some people think I’m nuts, but I’d really love to read the stacks of books that I own that I don’t read. Of course, I just got back from the bookstore…

* Meditate/destress. I seriously need to chill or something I’ll figure out the details later.

Survived, so far

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

So, I survived the holidays. It was really nice having four whole days not going to work. And the half day on Wednesday made it feel like Friday, so Christmas day and Friday felt like the weekend, and then I had another weekend! It was nice to not be stressed for those days. Sadly, I must return to work. However, I’m kind of looking forward to returning to a normal schedule, because my writing has slacked, although technically I’m only marked to write on Mondays (which I have been doing).

I’ve also been spending WAY too much money. I know “tis the season” but I need to rein myself back in.

The start of a new year.

In reality, it doesn’t really mean anything, just a change of date. As for new year’s resolutions? Well, it’s better to make gradual changes. So the question is, what should I do with my life now?

~L

As if sleep were an option at this point.

/ Alex Whitehall / 1 Comment
Last night was horrible.
To sleep would have been release, but I remained
ever aware of my pitiful state.

Last night was terrible.
The warmth only coming
from within.

Last night was unbearable.
To know it would be the longest
of the year.

Last night was futile.
Remembering how alone
we really are.

Last night was miserable.
Singing lullabies until I slept
tears still in my eyes.

This is not a poem, this is just me rambling in a poesy sort of way.
It’s especially cold today, I’m not sure if it’s because last night was so bad, or just the change in weather. But it’s cold. So very cold.

I know the dark is lifting now, each day grows longer.
And yet I can’t help but think how the dark is still growing all around me.

On celebrating maturity

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment


After a wonderful evening last night, too little sleep and an overall pretty good ride this morning, most of my day was spent curled under my covers sleeping, or existing in a half-sleep. And now I’m getting ready to go out; what a party animal I am. 😀

In reality it’s a 4-H Christmas dinner, so not nearly as exciting. I still don’t know everyone’s name, but I’m slowly working on it. It’s weird, because I’m a leader, but some people still think I’m a member, and I don’t really know if I do much “leading.” But baby steps, right? I was never really a leader personality, not in the sense that 4-H uses, anyways.

I’m always incredibly nervous going to these things, because I don’t fit in anywhere. The kids (aged 8-18, mostly on the low side of that scale) don’t really have much in common with a 25 year old, but then the adults (mostly parents and other 4-H leaders) don’t either. Which makes me really want to avoid things like this. And yet here I am, all prettied up (because sometimes you just want to feel pretty).

Because, if you don’t keep trying to get better at things, like awkward situations, then you never get better at them. So wish me luck.

When that which you don’t have is gone

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment


I’m exhausted.
I went to sleep around 11, because lately I haven’t been really tired at night, even though I get sleepy for large chunks of the day, including yesterday.

I woke up around 2:30 with unbelievable pains. I don’t know when I finally fell asleep, but I lost at least an hour. And it was so painful (before the drugs kicked in) that it drained energy from me, so what little sleep I did get was lost.

Of course now is the time when I made a promise to cut back on chocolate (1 pc a day…not including cookies, because that’s not fair to the holiday spirit). So now I feel like crap. Even more crap than I did when I went to bed.

In other news, I saw the end of Hogsfather which was good. I didn’t realize it was a Terry Pratchett book made into a movie (I missed the opening sequence when I started watching it the first time). It wasn’t OMG awesome, but it was amusing, and I enjoy the actor who played Jonathan Teatime. Wiki had this to say “In the Hogfather, Mr Teatime is played by Marc Warren. Warren plays Teatime with an American, and more specifically, a New England accent, partly based on Johnny Depp‘s version of Willy Wonka.” As soon as I saw it I thought “that’s very Willy Wonka-esque.” Good to know I’m not the only one, and that it has some purpose. Plus, the behavior works very well for an assassin..

I’m really not looking forward to this week, since I’m already tired and I just feel uninspired (and rather empty inside). And when I read things to make me happy it just makes me sad and lonely. So, to say the least, not looking forward to this week.

I both love and hate the holidays.

Proceed with the wanking.

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

This weekend was pretty nice. Rode Saturday morning, got stuff done (never everything, but enough), got some good shopping deals and bought stuff for other people. Then it snowed, just a bit, Saturday night, which was pretty.

Today I laxed around the house, got some more stuff done, went to walmart, bought stuff I’ve wanted for a while, swung by home, and then came back to the apartment. Where I found that one of the things I bought was screwed up and the other I might not have needed. So I headed back to walmart to return the things and just got home. So my good day is only pseudo good now.

Plus I picked up a bunch of new old dishes so I need to wash all of them. And I’m really at the point in my life where for a week or so I’d like to turn off my brain and put my body in automatic. But humans don’t have that luxury. Or at least, I don’t. I’m always too fuckin’ aware.

Why Neil Gaiman gets better every day

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

Today on Neil Gaiman’s blog, he made this post describing why he believes in supporting Freedom of Speech. For those of you not familiar with the circumstances behind the original question, here is a very brief description: A man is being charged (? I’m not sure where they are at in the proceedings, etc, so don’t quote me on this) because he owns comic books (manga) of questionable content. The content (the actual content is hotly debated throughout the internet, and many in the anime/manga community question how much is actually inappropriate) is possibly (or actually, again, my following of this is minimal) lolicon (young girls represented in a sexualized manner) and perhaps shotacon (which is the male equivalent). So the question the person poses should make sense now.

I’m pretty sure I agree completely with Gaiman in his argument and reasoning. I liked especially how he pointed out that pornography that used real children was a different realm since those children were directly being injured. And the allusion that porn could be an outlet that keeps real people from being harmed. I think it’s well worth the read.

The most important point I think he makes: “It’s because the same laws cover the stuff you like and the stuff you find icky, wherever your icky line happens to be … because you only realise how wonderful absolute freedom of speech is the day you lose it.”

It reminds me of a poem by Niemoller that I saw in history class (all those years ago):

… they first came for the Communists,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant.

Then they came for me —
and by that time no one was left to speak up.

~

You have to fight for what is right, even if you don’t agree with it, because you’d want others to fight for your rights when it’s your time.

dinner

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

Ramen packages are a couple’s meal. Per lil wrapped container there are two servings. You’re supposed to adorn it with protein and vegetables. I chose fish and pea pods. I split the ramen in half and it doesn’t seem as unhealthy. Though I then had to repackage what was left. It’s definitely a meal for two.

And so many things are. Those little desert cakes come with two in each wrapping, and you’re only supposed to eat one (according to guidelines). So where does that leave single people? Sharing with strangers or getting obese (well, a third option is to have lots of tupperware).

And living alone, when your car breaks down, you don’t have someone to pick you up. You can’t catch a ride.

You shop alone. You do most things alone.

On the other hand, there is no one to bother you when you’re writing. No one to complain about your music or it’s volume. No one who wants to watch something different on TV. No one to leave a mess. (Though, there is also no one to help you clean up messes.)

Sometimes I worry I’ll live alone for so long that I won’t know how to behave when I live with someone else. I’ll forget how to erase the line of “mine” and “yours” so it’s “ours.”

Sometimes I really want an “ours.”

Damn Stephanie Meyer

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

So I decided to check out FictionPress, because dA is a crappy place to find fiction (though I know there are good things out there, it’s hard to search for). I was in a romance mood, so I’m wandering through, and I actually found an interesting story, though it’s not the best writing. But it has some interesting plot developing.

However, as my search continued, I found more first person narratives than should exist. I understand alot of young writers probably post, and most people prefer first person when they first start writing (I never liked it. Blah), but it seems to have gotten worse, and I want to blame Stephanie Meyer a little, especially considering the number of vampire/mortal romances that popped up.

I’m sure it’s not totally new, since the books have been out awhile, but still. I really hate first person. It just feels like too often it’s the author speaking in an alternative personality instead of being a new creation. The only perk is that it cuts out many of the he/she repeats, because he does something to me instead of to her…But seriously, that’s like the only perk.