rambling

From Great Heights We Shall Fall

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

My weekend was pretty good. Friday I got together with friends; Saturday I rode and got needed shopping done; Sunday I rode and got more shopping done since my family came down with illness. Today started off pretty good until I found out my company has been laying off again and cutting hours. I keep hearing the phrase, “I’m sure everyone knows how bad the economy is” and I want to snort and say “no, I don’t. I don’t follow the news and listen to the crippling information that our economy is going to hell because some people made bad decisions and we have to pay to fix it.

I’m glad to have my job and be working, no matter how much I hate working (in a general sense) sometimes. I’m glad to be able to pay my bills and be able to eat and all that stuff. But sometimes I wonder if I buy too many things that are frivolous that I wouldn’t need. I question doing cosplay for Otakon this year, because do I really need to spend all that money on a costume I’ll wear once? And not just one, but two (and technically 3, because I may closet cosplay).

I know you can’t just curl up and not spend any money, because that doesn’t help the economy either, but what’s the limit? Where is the line between saving too much and spending too much?

Tonight was spent writing (1 hr) and watching Big Bang Theory (since I purchased season 1 on DVD). It didn’t help that one of the episodes I watched tonight had Penny being broke and unable to pay her bills, etc. I can’t honestly remember if it was new or first season, since they were all intermingled, but it doesn’t really matter.

I wish I was in a job with absolute job security, or at least in a field with it? Or maybe I would always be paranoid. Sometimes I think what I do is pointless, but then I realize not everyone can do it. But then people say things like “Yeah, but you understand it still” and I wonder, well, is grammar going to fade away and die? Then I think about phrases like the panda who “eats, shoots, and leaves” vs “eats shoots and leaves”. True, I’m not doing life-saving work, but I suppose if I edited medical journals it would be. At least my work is educational for others.

A month ago I was thinking about buying a new laptop. I was still considering it up until today. I was actually considering going for a full fledged laptop instead of a netbook and just dishing out the extra cash. And now I’m questioning if I should. I guess I’ll still save up for it and we’ll see how it goes. I hate feeling this way.

emotional wreckage

/ Alex Whitehall / 1 Comment

Last night was pretty terrible. I felt…awful and then decided sleep would make it better. But I couldn’t fall asleep. I felt rotted.

I finally got to sleep (far later than I wanted) and woke up 45 minutes early. Couldn’t fall back to sleep. And here I am, staring at the snow falling outside my window.

I think I’m dreaming.

Amusing…

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

First off, I just finished looking at GoodReads and under “popular books” it listed the 4 twilight books, to kill a mocking bird, and then all the Harry Potter books. I was highly amused. If you enjoy books, you should sign up. It’s nice getting reviews of what friends have read to see if you want to read it too.

Secondly, I’ve been spreading my web comic reading wings. Mows is mildly entertaining. Kind of like a weekly comic strip (or daily) that you’d find in a newspaper. Not funny every day, but it has it’s moments. A Softer World is very “Indy” I think. It’s very funny at times, just plain weird other times, and then disturbing and dark. I enjoy it. I enjoy it enough that I took some strips to make my computer’s wallpaper. After all, where else can you read, “When I play doctor….I play to win.”

I think this image is beautiful. It’s by LadySybile on deviantArt:

That’s about it for now. Things are okay.

-insert good idea here-

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

It’s really, really cold. And snowing. My hip hurts and even though I got plenty of sleep I’m still tired.

-insert whining here-

I really wasn’t expecting snow today. It’s January though, so I suppose I should always be expecting snow now.

Hmm, I’m not exactly sure how to get from point Q to R in my story.

That’s it for now.

Journey to the Other World

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

So today I went to the PA Farm Show with my 4-H club. It was a pretty good time, though I spent more than I meant and it was exhausting. It was strange being surrounded by so much farm-related stuff, and it really made me think how I am a diamond, or any jewel, with many facets. Some people are single-minded, focused on a few things, normally somewhat related. I am not one of them 🙂

Anyways, got home at 7 and was pretty tired. Checked online and then thought, “7:30, should I write or read, or waste time clicking?”

I thought I’d be too tired to write, but I did. It felt really good. I hope one day I get over this terror that everything I write is crap. Because I was thinking that yesterday and it really seized up the desire to write–since it all was crap–but last night I tried thinking further into the story and today I did more thinking about it and then some of it got written (and I love when you’re writing events that need to happen and little things happen with characters that were just kind of tucked in the corner and it’s like “oh!”). I feel a little better now about writing, though no more secure in the thought that my writing is good.

And now it’s nearly 9.

Amazingly enough?

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

In a weird twist of fate, my period arrived early. A week early. I don’t know if it’s because I was sick earlier, or it decided to start the new year off with a bang, but it was very odd.

In other news, one of my christmas presents got “wrapped” without one of the presents inside. Whoops. It’s one of those moments where you’re like “should I redo it or should I just give it separately?” Separately it is.

My eye is all puffy like an alien race has laid it’s eggs in my eye lid. That’s so sexy.

I love Fridays. Not only does it mean two days without work, it means jeans and sweatshirts are okay. And when you’re on the first day of your period, that’s kinda nice.

My posts here have been kind of…okay, VERY random as of late, mostly rambling, because I’m very excited about something and I can’t talk about it, or I really try to minimalize my talking about it, and so I want to talk and thus here I am, talking about anything BUT the one thing I’d love to go on and on about.

I think I did enough ranting yesterday to my friend that I’m back to being happy with the world. Well, as happy as you can be when so many horrible things are happening. Oye….

My clicking just got out of hand. I’m so obsessive about checking web sites that in the middle of this post I clicked away from it. I forgot to open a new window. Haha. Thankfully the site automatically saves. ❤

I’m gonna go get my lunch and whatever ready now.

Strange, isn’t it?

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

January 7th already.

time is all woobley wobbley.

I feel weird right now. I don’t know if it’s because of everything I’ve been thinking about or the brownies I ate O.O

I seriously need to not be as high-strung as I am.

I’m also pretty sure I’m in love with several of my characters.

Survived, so far

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment

So, I survived the holidays. It was really nice having four whole days not going to work. And the half day on Wednesday made it feel like Friday, so Christmas day and Friday felt like the weekend, and then I had another weekend! It was nice to not be stressed for those days. Sadly, I must return to work. However, I’m kind of looking forward to returning to a normal schedule, because my writing has slacked, although technically I’m only marked to write on Mondays (which I have been doing).

I’ve also been spending WAY too much money. I know “tis the season” but I need to rein myself back in.

The start of a new year.

In reality, it doesn’t really mean anything, just a change of date. As for new year’s resolutions? Well, it’s better to make gradual changes. So the question is, what should I do with my life now?

~L

As if sleep were an option at this point.

/ Alex Whitehall / 1 Comment
Last night was horrible.
To sleep would have been release, but I remained
ever aware of my pitiful state.

Last night was terrible.
The warmth only coming
from within.

Last night was unbearable.
To know it would be the longest
of the year.

Last night was futile.
Remembering how alone
we really are.

Last night was miserable.
Singing lullabies until I slept
tears still in my eyes.

This is not a poem, this is just me rambling in a poesy sort of way.
It’s especially cold today, I’m not sure if it’s because last night was so bad, or just the change in weather. But it’s cold. So very cold.

I know the dark is lifting now, each day grows longer.
And yet I can’t help but think how the dark is still growing all around me.

When that which you don’t have is gone

/ Alex Whitehall / Leave a comment


I’m exhausted.
I went to sleep around 11, because lately I haven’t been really tired at night, even though I get sleepy for large chunks of the day, including yesterday.

I woke up around 2:30 with unbelievable pains. I don’t know when I finally fell asleep, but I lost at least an hour. And it was so painful (before the drugs kicked in) that it drained energy from me, so what little sleep I did get was lost.

Of course now is the time when I made a promise to cut back on chocolate (1 pc a day…not including cookies, because that’s not fair to the holiday spirit). So now I feel like crap. Even more crap than I did when I went to bed.

In other news, I saw the end of Hogsfather which was good. I didn’t realize it was a Terry Pratchett book made into a movie (I missed the opening sequence when I started watching it the first time). It wasn’t OMG awesome, but it was amusing, and I enjoy the actor who played Jonathan Teatime. Wiki had this to say “In the Hogfather, Mr Teatime is played by Marc Warren. Warren plays Teatime with an American, and more specifically, a New England accent, partly based on Johnny Depp‘s version of Willy Wonka.” As soon as I saw it I thought “that’s very Willy Wonka-esque.” Good to know I’m not the only one, and that it has some purpose. Plus, the behavior works very well for an assassin..

I’m really not looking forward to this week, since I’m already tired and I just feel uninspired (and rather empty inside). And when I read things to make me happy it just makes me sad and lonely. So, to say the least, not looking forward to this week.

I both love and hate the holidays.