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It’s called Almost Productive

/ Alex Whitehall / 1 Comment

“Weekends always go far too quickly.”
-Lament of the working individual

This past week I felt tired and unmotivated, so my working out has been fail-tastic. Today, when putting my saddle back on the rack, my arms felt extremely tired. So I don’t know if I’m pushing myself too hard and getting ill or if I need to push it up a notch.

I ordered my brother’s birthday present online today, so hopefully it’ll arrive in time. It wasn’t procrastinating (I normally get this stuff done way ahead of time), I just had no idea what to get him.

On the other hand, my other brother (and only watcher of this blog), is easy to shop for, because I can pretty much get him any book and it’s a safe bet. Like today, I was at goodwill (where I picked up pants, yay) and I found a book I think he’ll like. I’m an awesome sister.

I did my federal taxes, and I’m getting a nice return, so that’ll pay for my new laptop (wee!). But I still have about 2 chapters to go before I finish my book, so I have to do that yet. But hopefully I’ll be done this week. And then shopping will occur.

My original plan was to dive right into the sequel, but a conversation last night kind of makes me want to work on another world that is forming in my head. Along with the three that already are there. It’s getting crowded.

Speaking of crowds, though, not really: I was hanging out with my friends on Saturday, and I enjoyed their company, but I wasn’t really interested in most of the conversation. Lately I’ve just wanted to talk about writing and reading alot (which I suppose is normally, considering), but I feel like talking about my own projects too much is pompous (and I’ll admit, I’m a little superstitious), and my friends don’t really talk about that stuff. It just makes me feel like I’m missing something in life.

Transformation

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I know, it’s been 10 whole days since I posted, it must be a miracle. Or something.

I haven’t really be interested in much lately; it’s like I’ve gone into hibernation. I think the winter has worn me a little thin and I can only hope that spring will bring my rejuvenation.

I only have one, maybe two, more chapters to write before it’s “done.” Of course how I end this story alters how I begin the next one, if I make it so there is another one. It seems rude to my readers to end my first book on a cliffhanger, but I also don’t want a “everything worked out” ending.

Also, I changed perspectives for part of the book and I’m wondering if I should change back for the end or just keep the one I have, since the second book is written in it. Of course, I wrote the story in the original perspective so far as well (just so I could get a feel of what she was going through) so I could just stick with it completely (though it would cut out 2 or 3 chapters).

Mer. Wake me up inside!

I hope I make you cry, a little.

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It’s snowing outside, I’ve just eaten Andes Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, and I sit down to write the aftermath of the battle. Honestly, the next few chapters (and possibly another book) will be about the aftermath, but this is the first chapter, where we change perspectives and realize that people have died.

I was sad already, it being Valentine’s Day and me being single, not in the 1.0 vs 1.1 way, but in the 1 vs 1.0 way. Which may not make sense to you, but makes perfect sense to me. It’s all about the place holder. So I was sad.

And then I’m writing about people having died and how horrible it is to have to handle corpses to send them off to loved ones. But I feel content with how things are going. Although I know a funeral chapter is going to have to happen and I’m not particularly looking forward to it. I hope I cry and I hope the readers cry, whenever they get a chance to read it. In 12 years.

So it was still snowing, and I ate more ice cream, and I realized I should share this, even if it’s just with myself.

For V-day

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I figured I’d post something V-day related, even though I’m dismally single.

So here it is, My Beautiful Disease:

You make my congenital defect flutter;
flushing my face with Scarlet fever,
I can’t breathe when I’m around you
unable to recall the words.

My chest constricts, my stomach twists
just seeing you walk in the room.
And if it kills me, I’ll die euphoric,
your drug running through my veins.

You say that I’m frozen

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“Everything will slip away
Shattered pieces will remain
When memories fade into emptiness
Only time will tell its tale
If it all has been in vain”

~ Within Temptation, “Frozen”

I finally hammered out the “battle scene” for my story. *huff* Not sure if it’s any good, but it’s done. And now we’re going to find out why Ms. Wilkins is so damn important 🙂

Otherwise, just really tired and not up to doing anything at the moment. *sigh*

Sitting before work

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I’m sitting with my bowl of oatmeal before work, taking a deep breath and relaxing.

It’s going to be cold today, well, colder than other days, but this weekend is supposed to be beautiful and warm, which I’m really looking forward to.

I’m glad it’s Thursday, but I really wish it were Friday. Though compared to some weeks, it’s not too bad that it’s Thursday. I still have two more interviews to conduct for my article on the Wii’s use in “old folks homes”–I’m using that phrase only because it’s used in a wide variety of facilities. I’m finding them easy to do, but still nervous-making. One day I’ll be as confident as my coworkers–maybe :D.

Because I’m insanely busy this weekend (Friday: going to see Coraline, then hang out with friends; Saturday: Ride then go hang out with friends, shopping; Sunday: Ride and then maybe some deserved relaxation), I’m going grocery shopping tonight, which is odd to me, but the best time. But I’m trying to make miracles happen with pennies, so it’s always an adventure.

From Great Heights We Shall Fall

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My weekend was pretty good. Friday I got together with friends; Saturday I rode and got needed shopping done; Sunday I rode and got more shopping done since my family came down with illness. Today started off pretty good until I found out my company has been laying off again and cutting hours. I keep hearing the phrase, “I’m sure everyone knows how bad the economy is” and I want to snort and say “no, I don’t. I don’t follow the news and listen to the crippling information that our economy is going to hell because some people made bad decisions and we have to pay to fix it.

I’m glad to have my job and be working, no matter how much I hate working (in a general sense) sometimes. I’m glad to be able to pay my bills and be able to eat and all that stuff. But sometimes I wonder if I buy too many things that are frivolous that I wouldn’t need. I question doing cosplay for Otakon this year, because do I really need to spend all that money on a costume I’ll wear once? And not just one, but two (and technically 3, because I may closet cosplay).

I know you can’t just curl up and not spend any money, because that doesn’t help the economy either, but what’s the limit? Where is the line between saving too much and spending too much?

Tonight was spent writing (1 hr) and watching Big Bang Theory (since I purchased season 1 on DVD). It didn’t help that one of the episodes I watched tonight had Penny being broke and unable to pay her bills, etc. I can’t honestly remember if it was new or first season, since they were all intermingled, but it doesn’t really matter.

I wish I was in a job with absolute job security, or at least in a field with it? Or maybe I would always be paranoid. Sometimes I think what I do is pointless, but then I realize not everyone can do it. But then people say things like “Yeah, but you understand it still” and I wonder, well, is grammar going to fade away and die? Then I think about phrases like the panda who “eats, shoots, and leaves” vs “eats shoots and leaves”. True, I’m not doing life-saving work, but I suppose if I edited medical journals it would be. At least my work is educational for others.

A month ago I was thinking about buying a new laptop. I was still considering it up until today. I was actually considering going for a full fledged laptop instead of a netbook and just dishing out the extra cash. And now I’m questioning if I should. I guess I’ll still save up for it and we’ll see how it goes. I hate feeling this way.

salut, january

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I’ve been kinda pendulumatic lately, so I apologize if I’ve worried anyone, or thrown anyone for a loop. Parts of life were really scary for a bit there, and parts of life were being made more terrible in my imagination than they really were. But is it not the darkness of winter that lingers in our hearts? Or something like that.

My writing has not been so much lately, although my once a week promise still stands strong. For my large project I’m going to have to write a battle, and it should be pretty grand in the scheme of things, and this terrifies me, because I’m not really a fighter. So…that’s next.

Tonight I put “write” on my to-do list, and since I’m avoiding said battle scene, I wrote this piece. I’m rather fond of it in this moment and may call it “Mirror Child” although it’s one of my Tales and thus normally has no name.

I also made a half-batch of brownies tonight in my pie dish. (half batch = 1 oz chocolate, .5 c sugar, .25 c oil/butter, 1 egg, .25 c flour, touch of vanilla/extract of choice) Yummy. And bakes in 12 minutes. And keeps me from being a complete pig! Currently I’m just apiglette.

On working

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Although my desire to run away from work is not as strong as it was Monday, still, this week seems to be taking it’s time. It’s odd, cause the work day doesn’t seem to take long, and my evenings are too long, but then each day I wake up thinking “It’s only ____day?”

Today starts the interviews I’m conducting for the article I’m writing. I really dislike conducting interviews–talking to people about things that barely interest me. I always worry I’ll sound like a moron. I love when people agree to e-mail interviews. So much less work for me. But I’m going to have at least 3, probably 4, interviews over the phone. Which means conducting them, transcribing them, then writing the article on them. It’s a bad sign when the article is on the Wii and I can’t even get excited.

Well, after today the weekend will surely arrive more quickly–after all, Thursday is good and Friday is wonderful. So yay.

emotional wreckage

/ Alex Whitehall / 1 Comment

Last night was pretty terrible. I felt…awful and then decided sleep would make it better. But I couldn’t fall asleep. I felt rotted.

I finally got to sleep (far later than I wanted) and woke up 45 minutes early. Couldn’t fall back to sleep. And here I am, staring at the snow falling outside my window.

I think I’m dreaming.